Real Men Do Cry

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Yesterday me and my fiance got in a big fight. I was yelling at him and he took my hands and pulled me into a hug while i was still crying and hugging him back and yelling at him at the same time, then suddenly he started sobbing into my shoulder.

he has never cried in front of me in the years that we've been together. it suprised me and all i could do is hug him and kiss the top of his head. but then after that he just said that my hair was messed up and that my face doesnt look good when i cry, and then he went out and hasnt even looked me in the eye.

i know him and i think that maybe he's ashamed cuz he's got to much pride for his soul, but i dont know. it just made me love him more that he actually showed his emotions but now i think that maybe he thinks i'll look down on him now. i just want some advice on whats going on in his mind right now. Advice
Wow, he needs some serious unbrainwashing done to him pronto. He should NEVER be hiding his feelings from you or be ashamed of revealing them to you. Especially if you plan on marrying. A wife and husband should be FULLY and COMPLETELY honest with each other about everything. That means everything. If he feels badly for you seeing himself in a honest state, that means he's trying to hide things from you! You have to really make this quite plain to him. This should be NORMAL for you guys, to see those emotions. It is ABNORMAL for him to try to put on an act for you, the person who should be his soulmate.

As an aside, you guys shouldn't be yelling at each other!! That shows a lack of respect and really is an issue you need to address. Healthy relationships involve people who disagree, but who talk through those issues and find a compromise. While MTV may make it "hip" to have screaming arguments, they also make it hip to have affairs and sleep with your husband's best friend and the rest. None of those are what make a relationship last. So really put some serious effort into stopping any future arguments BEFORE they start. I have lots of tips on that on the site. But that is really critical for you guys if you're going to survive.

-- from Jenn
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