We Fight Constantly - He Broke Up

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 26 and my boyfriend (now ex) will be 28 in a month. We broke up a week ago and I need some input. We have been together two years exactly to this day :(

We got into a fight on Sunday morning. a very dumb one at that. We were both just cranky I believe and I was feeling frustrated with him that he does not communicate with me as much as I would like about things. He finally came out to me to my car as I was leaving and said I cannot do this anymore, we need to end this for the better. We talked for a few moments later and I finally left.

A few hours later after I got home I called him. I thought maybe it was just the heat of the moment and I tried to fix this. He was still firm on his decision to break up. He has said that SOMETIMES he feels it would be better if we broke up because we fight so much. He also said that he does not see himself marrying me and does not want to be with me right now. Among repeating that he does not want to be with me he said he wanted to "think". I don't know why he said that if it was supposed to make things easier on me or if he really meant it? He definitely was sad and he seemed teary on occasion on the phone which he held back. He also said he cares about me still and is devastated that this happened and feels terrible for doing this to me.

He came home from a 16 month tour in Iraq in early Feb. So yea, I feel devastated that I waited for him just to come home and dump me.

We were on the phone for about an hour and the last few minuted I kept it light and talked normal.. about his neighbors, and his dad.. and just small conversation he went along no problem.. After realizing that this conversation was a waste of energy and nothing was going to change I asked him if i should let him go. he said no that's okay (meaning staying on the phone) A few moments later I said "Ok, I better go" and I heard nothing... I said it again..he finally said "Ok" and I said bye and hung up. Did he feel bad or just not want me to go??

This breakup was on his mind for a while obviously but its not like he intended to break up with me at that moment. (he says) I guess our last fight pushed him over the edge? We had fun together when we weren't mad at each other and he was not pulling away or anything during the two months.

I know he has a lot on his mind about he hates his job and deciding on a new career path and he just wasn't sure about what to do with himself in his life.

I know he cares about me and we were so close and spoke everyday. I find it extremely difficult to see myself moving on as I wanted to marry this guy one day. I never brought it up to him because I know how guys run away at that. (Although I did hint) As I know that I am not ready for marriage yet!

We broke up briefly before he left for deployment.. He said he did not want me waiting for him but I kept calling him for days after we broke up. I finally sent him a text saying that I give up and good luck and within a week he came back!

I was wondering if I stay away from him and give him space with no contact does it sound like he might miss me and come back? I mailed his house key back today that I had with no message or anything. I just don't know what to do now. I miss him terribly already :(

RomanceClass.com Advice
If he's just back from war that is a really hard thing for any person to deal with. Hopefully he has people to talk with and to help him cope. That isn't easy at all. So that right there is a huge burden to deal with.

That being said, a relationship where you're fighting all the time is not healthy. Nobody wants to be in a relationship like that. So if that was your state, then absolutely something had to change. He finally took action which is good. But hopefully what you want is forward action that will bring you together.

Offer to talk to a mediator. A minister. Whoever it is that you trust. You need help in dealing with stress. He needs help in dealing with his return. Get help and support. But absolutely do not accept a life of fighting. Nobody should have to deal with that.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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