She's Busy with Other Things

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
About a month ago me and my now ex ended a 7 month relationship because we felt bored and figured we needed some space. We spent alot of time together, which is alot to blame for what happened, but a few days later I felt like I made a mistake and wanted her back. Well she said no and that she wanted to be alone, she didnt want anyone anymore. Shes a busy girl and I understand that, but I would think someone would make time if they really wanted it. She admits she isnt in love with me anymore but still cares.

Recently we hang out and she said maybe we could hang out more and see what happens. I found out later she wanted to hang out and see what would happen on the long term. I felt this was unfair on me to hang on for a long time and maybe she would take me back. So I said forget it. She still gives the reason of not having time for a relationship anymore. I see her often and shes always talking to me like a good friend, its hard to talk to her since we havent been apart that long. It just doesnt make sense as to why she doesnt want to make time anymore. Advice
All relationships go through phases - so it could be that yours has gotten to the point where she wants less and you still want the tons-of-time commitment. Read here -

A relationship should always be about balance - balancing work and school and family and everything else. Your love for each other is important but shouldn't drown out everything else. It might have been that things had gotten to the point where the balance wasn't right and the only way she could find to fix things is to not officially be your "girlfriend" so she wasn't obligated to spend a ton of time with you that she needed to spend elsewhere.

You need to realize that being boyfriend-girlfriend doesn't mean you have an obligation to spend 4 hours out of every 24 with each other just because. If she is happier the way things are now, apparently what was going on before wasn't a good mix for her. Really think about WHAT you guys were spending your time doing. Was it something she really enjoyed? Or was it something that was just OK?

Talk with her about her schedule and find some things he would love to do to do with her. If she loves horseback riding, go on some trail rides. If she loves museums go visit some. If you start to show her that the time she spends with you can be really fun times, I bet she'll want to make the time. But if the time with you is just spent sitting in front of a TV, she probably does have better things she could choose to do, and that is her issue.

-- from Jenn
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