Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I dated this guy for 5 months and we were very serious, but I broke it off with him, because I felt as though I was losing feelings. He was devastated. When Fall came around, we started talking again and things were going great and all these feelings that weren.t there were there again, but I found out he was seeing someone, then he started officially dating her. However, he kept talking to me and then we started talking about dating again and how he was going to break up with her because he doesnt have that strong of feelings for her. He would promise me that once finals were over they would be over and I believed him. We even would hang out on occasion and he always tried to kiss me and one night we even slept together. He was ashamed at himself for doing that to her and everything was ruined. I was devastated and we didn't talk for a month, then he was back again. He took me home one night and we talked for 4 hours about us and what he did, I told him not to talk to me unless he wanted to be with me. Four days later he texts me. Now it's all day everyday, but is still with her. He even talks about the future with me and how he can't wait to be with me. Should I stop talking to him or still communicate with him as long as I don't cross that boundary again? I love talking to him but it's as though he is having his cake and eating it too! Is it bad I secretly wish that me stop talking to him will make him realize he does in fact want me?
You have your finger on it: he wants to have everything his way. And that is not fair to you, and not fair to his girlfriend. He's basically getting everything he wants in life at your expense.
I would tell him this isn't right and that he has to either focus his feelings on his girlfriend or officially end it, right now. If he stays with her, then don't let him act like you are his second wife. You will have to tell him to make up his mind...and if he can't, then be strong enough to move on. Be prepared that this is likely the most probably outcome.
I doubt he would change anything on is own - why should he? he's quite happy with the situation! :)
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com