Am I in a relationship?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I met this girl in university before the holidays and only went on outings with her a several times before she went overseas. We've been talking online like several times a week for the past 3 months she was away. We've talked about stuff like what we should do together next holidays, what we would've done on valentine's day if she was here, what birthday presents we'd want, where we should go to lunch during lunch breaks, what we'd eat if she was cooking etc..... It's stuff that, if it was another non-romantic female friend, I would likely cringe at even thinking about. But I'm not cringing. The only thing we haven't talked about is who we are to each other.

I've liked girls before. I'd be thinking about the girl day and night. I'd be frustrated if she doesn't pick up the phone. I'd feel jealous if I see another guy talking to her. It doesn't seem to be with this girl. I don't think about her day and night. I'm not frustrated if she isn't there to talk to me. I feel secure when other guys try to flirt with her on her facebook wall. I'm not saying it won't happen later though.

It's like we're in a relationship but we haven't even went on a proper date and we haven't kissed and we certainly haven't talked about it.

I got thinking about all this when today I met a really attractive woman who seemed interested in me and was about to reciprocate but then I asked myself "Do you really want to do this?" and left (after saying I had to go of course).

She's coming back in a week and we're going to meet so she can pay me for a birthday present "we" bought together for a common friend of ours so I'll see her soon again. I don't feel terribly excited... It just seems "normal". Yet, thinking about all this I'm not so sure.... I'm not crazy for her but at the same time seemingly not willing to see other women. I hope it stays like this, though. Is there anything I should be doing? I haven't asked her out, for one, but I'm not entirely sure if I need to at all. Advice
Sounds like you've found a good friend who happens to be a girl. Just enjoy her friendship and don't try to force a feeling into a place where it doesn't fit. Eventually a girl will come alone that'll rock your world and I'm betting that your "girl" friend will be happy for you. And if she finds a great guy, you'll be happy for her.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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