I Was Doing Phone Sex, My Boyfriend Said Goodbye
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. The reason why is because he caught me talking to a male friend of mine over the phone. The conversation we had was like a sexual conversation. I know it was wrong for me to do this Im aware that I dis-respected him but, I was just really fooling around I never cheated on my boyfriend with this guy.
He doesn't believe me, he doesn't want me anymore, he wouldn't even give me a chance.
It's 3 years I can't let it go I want him back and Im really sorry for what I have done all I want is a second chance to make things right. I realized I lost the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
What do I do it seems like my whole world is falling apart.
Yes, you never cheated on him physically. But look at it this way. Say you both were true to each other and dated each other only. But then say that he heard a group of guys laughing in the bar - and all of them had naked pictures of you and were passing them around, and laughing about how they all had great fun looking at your naked body. Say he found out that you were distributing naked pictures of yourself all around the area with your phone # on them so anybody could call you up and talk dirty to you.
Now instead of being HIS girlfriend that shared a special, private part of her life with him and only him, you are a "Girl that is Sexual with All Guys" - that EVERY guy knows the private sounds and desires of. When he lays with you at night, instead of thinking how private and special this time you share is, he'll wonder if you're thinking of someone else, or if you're making a sound out of habit, just like you do with the other 20 guys that call you during the day.
But aside from all of that, the primary fault here is that you were LYING to him and never told him you were doing this! You couldn't even tell him the truth about PHONE CALLS. Believe me, life is full of all sorts of temptations and road blocks. If you were incapable of being honest over something pretty "minor" like a phone call, how could he possibly trust you if something more serious came up? Wouldn't you lie then too? And if you were so capable of lying all the time to him, how could he trust you as his partner in life? What if you DID sleep with a guy? You probably wouldn't tell him that either. And what if you got a sexually transmitted disease and seriously damaged his health or his ability to father children, or both? Now his entire life would be harmed because of your lies.
If you want any chance of getting him back, sit down and have a serious talk with him and accept how wrong your lying was, and admit to not having understood this before. Say you have grown and changed since then and matured a great deal. We all do in time. Ask him if he wants to go to a therapist with you, to work this through. he will realize you are very serious about this, to get through the issue, and hopefully he will go with you. The therapist will help HIM learn to trust again and help YOU to be more honest.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com