I like a girl and thought she liked me but now she's just got a boyfriend?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hi, sorry this is really long, I just need your thoughts
I met a girl on my first proper day of uni. We’re doing the same course and we meet the introduction meeting. End up getting on really well and spend pretty much the whole day together cause we both have to wait for another meeting in the afternoon. Half way through the day we meet up with one of her friends whose has no one else to be with so we’re not alone the whole time.
Over the next week I see her pretty much every day doing welcome week stuff. One day I go back to her flat to help her set up a new laptop. When lectures start we go to them together. She starts to confide in me, tell me she’s feeling home sick and is having trouble with her flatmates etc. after two week we both start worrying about the course we’re on because we’re not enjoying it and I’m the one she talks to about it. We both end up changing courses together.
Our new timetable means that we have one really bad day where we have one early lecture and one late one. She’s staying quite a way from campus so we go back to mine, watch a dvd for the course and go to a pub and share some chips. Also I showed her some stuff and she seemed really impressed. This only happened the one cause since then we’ve been doing group work on that day instead.
She goes home for a weekend and ask if I can help her with her stuff cause I live near the station. I help her back to mine, we hang out for a bit then I see her onto her train. When she gets back I pick her up from the station and help her get her stuff back to her flat. We chat for a bit, she gives me some food, then I’m off.
Then suddenly we become really distant and we’re only seeing each other during lectures. On the first day we both said that we both wanted to try and get out of the city for a bit and find some countryside. A couple of times I suggest doing this but she says she’s too busy. We’re still chatting on messenger though and still getting on well. I also start posting some recording of me playing guitar online and she says how good they are.
This past week everything has changed again. We met before lectures on mon to pick up some work and we’re really close again. It may be my imagination, but I’m sure she’s wearing more perfume than normal. In the lecture she misheard something and one of our friends makes a sexual joke about us. She gets really embarrassed. She seems to be touching me a lot more, as in brushing against me, standing nearer, touching my shoulder. We were sharing a computer and she stole the mouse off me and was leaning across me to type when normally she would just move the keyboard to dictate to me. She also seems to be holding my gaze for longer. Conversation also seems to be a lot flirtier than it was, especially on msn. She also asks me to go to a meeting after uni with her on Tuesday, which I do.
I’m rubbish with girls, was beginning to think that this may mean that she wants us to be more than friends and was getting up the courage to confront the issue, but in the second half of the week she seems to have gone cold again. She had asked me if I want to go into uni on Friday to do some work then do something after and I agree. She’s says that we’ll definitely meet up, but we don’t set a time, just a day. I ask her in the morning if she’s still up for it, but she has a really bad hangover, so decided not to. She apologises in the evening and we have a good conversation on msn.
Then on Saturday evening she updates her social networking page saying that she’s in a relationship with another guy. I was crushed. We seemed to be getting on really well doing some flirting, then she goes cold. Now I get three days of what I interpreted as pretty hard on flirting, then she changes her mind on meeting me and is now with someone else. I’ve suggested a few time that we go out somewhere, one the first day I met her we both said that we want to get out of the city and see some countryside etc and that we would arrange to do it sometime, but when I offer she’s always busy. I go anyway and when I tell her where I’ve been she says I have to take her.
I really like her and would have loved to try and take the relationship further, but I’m guessing that not going to happen now. There were always potential problems, she’s a year older than me, and I think she really prefers guys that are older than her.
Additional info: She told me a bit about her last, and first proper, boyfriend and that he hurt her and she has to look her best to make him jealous, not sure what that means. One of her guy friends asked her out the other day and she told me. She says she’s not interested in him, but he’s still chasing her. They were going to meet to talk and she even said that it would be easier if I could come too, cause I’ve met him a couple of time, but we didn’t have enough time.
I guess what I’m asking is did she ever like me? Was she giving me a chance at the beginning of the week and I missed my opportunity? Would I have had a chance if I asked her out before now? Does she still like me? Do I still have a chance? It’s possible that I’ve fallen into the friend zone and this explains it, but I’m sure the last week was more than that. I’m friends with her and don’t want to lose her as that I’m just really confused.
Need some therapy!!! Thanks
Instead of wondering what she felt and what you should of done or not done, my recommendation is that you have a frank talk with her.
Describe that you felt you were getting along, flirting, and that maybe she had an interest in you. But then it turns out she has an interest in another guy.
Girls are usually glad to talk about relationships and feelings so she is likely to be willing to discuss this with you. Make sure she knows that you like her. It may be that she had a temporary interest in you or maybe she is naturally friendly and flirtaceous. You will get a better idea after you talk with her. Otherwise it is just guesswork.
Good luck! George
p.s. I am not suggesting that having this talk is an easy thing to do, but you do need to get used to having open conversations with women.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Talk to her