My Boyfriend Checks Out Other Women

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend keeps checking out other women when I'm with him at a party or a bar. I don't think it's right! Advice
On one hand, appreciating beauty isn't a bad thing. Many couples watch the Miss America shows together, or other talent shows, and can both appreciate both the physical beauty and talents that these people have. To say that because someone loves somebody that they cannot appreciate any other beauty in the world (whether it's human or otherwise) is a bit unfair.

However, being in a relationship with someone means that they respect your feelings, and treat you with respect in general. If a married couple was at a wedding and the husband was pawing a young 17 year old on the dance floor, he would be disrespecting his wife in a very public fashion. If he's at a party with his wife, and he abandons her in a corner while he goes out to snuggle with some blonde bunny, he's not being a good partner to her.

A great relationship is about being best friends - about being there for each other, supporting each other, making each other feel comfortable and cared for. If you're both at a party where you know people, you'll both happily go off and talk to friends. It's not a problem. But if you want to be with him because you're new to the group, or for whatever reason, for him to 'abandon' you is not nice. If you're in a bar to spend time together and have fun shooting pool, and instead of spending time with you your guy is over chatting up some lady in a black leather dress, you have a right to be upset.

It's one of those basic compatability issues. If you're both flirts, you'll both have great fun at a party, flirting with everbody. You won't mind that your partner is, because you're having fun too. You're not 'abandoned' by him and you know if you go to him that he'll be there for you. If you're both quiet, you'll stick together and be there for each other, and face the crowd together. But if one of you is a flirt and off and running, and the other one is quiet and wanting to cling, that's where the trouble begins. It's just that you're two different styles of people.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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