I'm afraid... really afraid.
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Back when I was 14, I met an angel.
One of the classiest, cleanest, most charming girls I ever met. Anytime I saw her face, my world would light up beyond anything I could receive from sunshine. Anytime she laughed, or I made her laugh, I would know that everything was good in the world.
Here's my problem.
The time that I met her, she was with another guy, four years older than her (she was 14, he was 18). With all stereotypical teenage relationships, there are obviously some big fights that happen in that period of time. During this time though, I would talk to her virtually everyday on the internet, or at school etc. I was always there for her when she needed someone to talk to.
She has a very fragile heart, and is hurt easily, but she also can not let go. I wanted to respect her with all the unselfish love that I could give, but I was never given the chance.
That relationship almost came to a close when her and her boyfriend hit the 8 month mark, when he wasn't being there for her, and she threatened to leave him. But that never happened. During that time of hardship, I was always there. Our conversations were always amazing. I would talk to her for hours. And she loved me more than anything for it.
It almost came down to her leaving this guy for me, because I gave her all the unconditional love I could.
Now they've been together for two years.
I have gotten over her. But I still see her and talk to her whenever she's available. She's in a performing arts program that performs in many theatres, and I'll go see every single one of the productions they do. My jealousy has nothing to do with her still being with this guy. Well...almost nothing...
As a teenager, I live in a very cynical world. Many kids are losing their virginities, many are getting drunk on a regular basis, and many like to do drugs. Being a incredibly moral person, I believe all of these things destroy a person, due to selfish need, and ignorance to long-term effect. I am a virgin, I have never been drunk, and I would never do drugs. EVER.
Many of my friends are doing all these things, and it breaks my heart to see them become miserable, or act like pigs (boys and girls) due to their intolerable behaviour. I still love them, but it makes me want to scream, and it makes me state that the kids are not alright, and it's because of selfish need, and the lack of compassion among others that the youth of today are being destroyed. All by developing a need on these highly addictive things. It sickens me.
As a result, I feel alienated from the world a little bit everyday. Sure, it's a very dumb teenager statement, but it's a valid one.
How does this woman fit into all of this?
She is still my angel. She is still perfect. But now this guy that she has been with for two years, is demanding more from her - and I bet you know what I mean from that - and it's driving me crazy, because guess what...
I think she wants it too...
She says she still loves him, and I respect that, but he still is an airhead, who neglects her from time to time, and she still stays with him, because she sees a side of him that's wonderful to her. I trust her when she says that, and I believe her when she says that she loves him, but what he's asking her right now, DISGUSTS me.
This is a very angsty thing to say, but all the women in my life act like whores. They may be nice and smart, but they all don't care about the feelings of others through the actions they do. I would call them out, but I don't, simply because I am a man.
This girl, seems to be the last source of my faith in the female gender. If she gives in to her temptation, it will ruin her. And believe me, it WILL destroy her because she is the most caring person I've ever met. Most of all, it will destroy me, and likely make me lose faith in women altogether.
I've tried hinting at the fact that I don't want her to do it, but any time I've trying talking to her with those terrifying images in my head of her and him, I always end up asking questions about her relationship, and she says she doesn't want to talk about it.
It doesn't help that I'm a Christian either. If she has sex before marriage, then she's likely not going to heaven. That kills me.
The person that I am, I don't care about good looks, or big breasts, or nice "riffs" on a girl, because when I call a girl beautiful, that means I'm talking about most of them. Beautiful girls to me are a dime a dozen. All I care about, is having somebody to talk to, and forever love to do just that.
The reason why this girl means so much to me, is because I find that the reason life is worth living, is looking for the little pieces of heaven that I see in the people around me. I see God in this woman, as she is the only source of heaven that I have left in regards to passion and unconditional love, as she has all of that.
If she throws that away, I'll literally become a psychotic individual, because she has that effect on me.
She is my angel, and she will never know how much I would've loved her if I had the chance.
It'll never happen now, and that's fine. But I can't stop loving her for who she is.
She is and always will be my angel.
She is 16, I am 16, he is 20, at University 2 hours away. And this is my final call for help before it's too late.
Please, whoever is reading this, can you tell me what the best course of action is? If this pure woman defiles herself to this guy, my alienation will go up on the scale to Catcher in the Rye limits of craziness. What should I do? Should I ask her directly, or should I shut my mouth and let her break my heart, without her realizing what she's done to me? Please reply soon, because I think any love I would have for anyone or anything is slowly dying, and will die.
(I GREATLY apologize about the length).
"All the women in my life are whores." "She is and always will be my angel."
This is a typical male response to women and is based on men's sexual frustrations and unrealistic views of women. The reality of life is that women are people and not devils or angels. Since you are a Christian, you know that your friend can make mistakes and not go to hell. In order to go to Heaven Christians must believe in Christ. This can occur after they make mistakes. So don't get yourself into a frenzy over your friend and the possibility that she may have sex with her boyfriend. If, in your opinion, she makes a mistake then you must have forgiveness as your religion suggests.
I happen to agree that 16 is too young for responsibile sex. But, if she continues to date this fellow, sex will probably follow. You are being unfair to her by making an angel out of her... she is not an angel just as all the other women in your life are not whores.
You could use some therapy from a licensed and trained person who can help you understand yourself and others better than you do now.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com