Abusive boyfriend, he got better but could not trust him, am I right not to give him a chance?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi, I've been in a relationship for 5 months before I got out. This man hit me after three months.I thought it was my fault too since I yelled during the arguement. Then later we had an argument, and he was going to break my finger and slam the car door on my hand (with minor injury) I broke off with him until he begged for me to stay with him. so I stayed as he said he got into therapy. When he got back he became better, but we watched this movie where a guy was pushing a girl, and he said they exaggerated the scene. Then he told me that with domestic violence, you can't sue the police. I thought that was a threat and took note.
Then later he started talking about his childhood and how he got hit all the time. I thought that was blaming circumstances and not taking responsibility but he told me that he was just trying to let go and share a story.
Then one day we had a fight (I got mad and yelled again) and he tore my t-shirt a bit and there was a little mark that didn't hurt but I saw it when I got back to my house and faced the mirror. After his therapy he became so much better though, but I felt I couldn't trust him with anything so I keep thinking he has a malicious plan to harm me. So I ended the relationship again.
Now I feel bad for not giving him a chance and he said I just threw away the most beautiful relationship. I am so confused I feel I should have given him a chance, but I looked at many websites that it is hard for him to actually change so I was scared and didn't trust him. My friends said if he hit me once he will do it again and therapy won't help that much. He said I just never give love a chance and I treat him like a dog after all the effort he tried to change and get better.
Was I wrong not to give him a chance? Should I get back to him (since I only gave him three weeks to change, is that a short time)?
sorry for being so long, he keeps telling me I was wrong to give up a good relationship and I always run away from a real one..:(
You gave him three weeks and he has already torn your shirt and put a mark on you. What more proof do you need?
If you need more proof, give him another chance and you will find out that he has not changed. It takes more than a little therapy to change a person with violent behavior. He suffered it throughout his childhood and that no doubt explains where he got it from but that is no reason for you or your children to get beaten up whenever there is a fight.
Do yourself a favor and say goodby to him.
Sorry for the bad news. Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com