I WANT HER BACK BUT SHE'S PURPOSELY AVOIDING ME
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I had been w/ my sugarbear for over 3yrs.& 7months ago she decided to move. Well she moved about 5min away might I add. We agreed that she needed her time&space(classic,I know). We proceeded to continue spending time together a lot& cont. to tell eachother we loved one another. Also spending the night together& being intamate. Which was fantastic! We then started to go to concerts & also planned a vaca. to Florida. All happening w/ her family & one friend, that coincidentally moved back from ARIz.when she decided to move out, around. She was under the impression & expected me to acknowledge also that I wasn't her BOYFriend. We proceeded to have very good times together then went on our trip to florida which was the best time I"d ever had w/ anyone! I paid for the resort, gas,food etc. She paid her part also,but thats not the issue. Every since we came back she met back up w/ her Gay friend(male)& has been very distant, not interested. One wknd. she proceeded to tell me that she thought it would be best if we NEVER tlkd, seen, or heard from eachother again. WOW!! I was shattered! Of course I have a son also that love's her dearly but isn't hers, so that only made it harder. Well we did talk again after that & saw eachother 1 time, & she promised she wouldn't Just "GO AWAY FROM MY LIFE FOREVER", that we could still be friends but just not see eachother as often as we used to. OK that was fine. But then she wanted to come to my sons FB game about a week after not seeing me,we agreed for her to come & us maybe have ice cream together afterwards. It got ugly @ the game she proceede to lie to me about what she was doing that day, that she had to go to a movie w/ her friends, etc. Well she had told my son's moth. that she was going on a date that night & didn't tell me until I asked her after the game if she was seeing someone else. It gets better. My MOTHER out of all people that wouldn't hurt a fly, txtd her to leave me & her grendson alone , cause she wasnt my friend, THat "friends dont hurt him like you have". I had no idea that happened & she txtd me saying she never wanted to tlk to me again & if I came around she would call the cops!! I had no idea what she was talking about!! I was elsewhere. So since then I did talk to her 1 time & cleared the situation up somewhat & we agreed to still talk. Well now that iv'e wrote a book if anyone has got this far, sorry it's just a lot of built up info!! She's totally avoiding my calls, txts, deleted me off her friends list & everytthing but still has my clothes & remnants @ her place dispalyed. I've not called but have txtd her a few times, left her roses @ her doorstep as friends, also letters saying that i still wanted to be friends w the roses etc... Almost a 2months later & still no responses. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!! I don't want to lose everything and @ least want her friendship for the sake of my sanity!! To go to movies, concerts,& have our little bubble as we called it. but only as friends,no relationship talk @ all!!! HELP sorry this is so long!! If anyone got this far, I just had to get the facts down.
You say you want her friendship for the sake of your sanity. You have tried all the traditional ways of getting a "friend" back... flowers, letters, etc. She probably is under the impression that you are too dependent on her and isn't willing to be that kind of friend. Friends are not so intense.
She might also think that it would be better to have a clean break for your son's case. It isn't good for him to be around so much drama (he can pick up on these things.) At the very least, don't yeild to the temptation to use him as a way to get her back.
It would be good for you to find someone else to be your friend... and girlfriend too, if possible. Not only would that make you feel better, but if she were aware of your new interest she wouldn't feel that she was all you had.
I'm sure it's obvious to you that she is no longer interested right now and isn't responding to your efforts to get her back. Give it more time and don't contact her any more. After a month or two, text her and tell her you hope she is doing well... that you are much less stressed than before. Try to develop a very low level relationship with her over several more months. Then ask her if you could go out to dinner to catch up. She may say yes since you have a long history and she probably feels guilty about cutting off your friendship.
Meanwhile consider getting therapy if you really think you must have her friendship for the sake of your sanity.
Sorry you are in this situation. Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com