complicated love pain

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I had a guy friend who I knew I could trust with my life. When he first moved to my town, I thought of him only as a friend, but I knew he wanted to be more. He subtly asked me out twice, but I brushed them off as just hanging out as friends. One day we were out drinking with two other friends. His friend looked at us sitting next to each other and said, "you guys should go out." and i remember saying, "we should," but because I knew I was slightly disoriented I told him to ask me when I'm sober. Later that night, we went to a school concert. He didn't feel good and left to go to the bathroom. He didn't come back and I was really worried. During intermission, I found out that he tried to walk home, but ended up passing out on top of a hill and the police picked him up! I was hysterical, blaming myself for what happened to him. At that point I wasn't going to go out with him because I was too afraid that if something happened between us, I would never see him again. I want him in my life no matter what, if it's as just friends or more. Then the next night we started discussing everything. he said, "ive had these feelings for you since i first met you... i never want to lose you either. youd have to be trying real hard to make that happen. if you really dont want to, i understand... but im tellin you, your the only person left in my life right now thats important to me, and that makes me feel important... and i never want to lose that. even if things dont really work out, theres no reason we couldnt still be friends." Right then and there, I knew I was finally going to say yes. So the next day when I went to see him, I ran up to him for a hug and whispered yes in his ear. He pulled me even closer and kissed me! When everyone found out at school, they all said, "well it's about time!" The day after that, he told me he loved me. I knew it was too soon, but I said it back, because I knew I did, I always did, I just didn't want to complicate things. About a month after everything happened, he went to visit his mom in another state. A week later, he told me he might move there because he liked it so much better. I knew he was happier there, and I didn't want to be the only reason why he would stay. So i told him to do whatever makes him happy, because when he's happy, I'm happy. Then, he moved, and right then he stopped talking to me. I was worried something might have happened to him. About 2 months later, I finally got him to talk to me. He said that even when i got my license, he didn't want to have to deal with a long distance relationship, but he meant what he promised and we would always be friends. I was obviously sad, but was just happy he was okay and he would still be apart of my life. We were messaging on face book, and after I told him about what was going on with me, I asked him what was new. I mean you'd think with a new house, new school, new friends,... he would have so much to say, but he didn't write anything back. It's been two weeks now and still nothing. I thought I could deal with this arrangement, but I can't. I've never felt this way before. He's the first guy I ever even considered having sex with, but we never did it because he moved. Now a days, I find myself sulking and drinking when I'm on my own, but with other people I act happy. I don't know why, but for some reason I subconsciously feel compelled to be that happy person and hide my pain. I just want to be able to think about him, and not feel love pain. I love him! I'm perfectly aware of it, but I need to stop because it's not going to be that way anymore. How can I think about him, and not feel like I want to die? Advice
Love pain takes time to heal. You are still in the early stages of dealing with your absence from him.

Contact him again and tell him you are having trouble getting over him and that it would help if he would talk with you a little. Just getting news from him may make you feel better rather than being ignored. Keep in mind that it is probably over with him and you are now in the stage of getting used to it.

Continue to be with your friends so you don't drink alone... that will just make things worse since alcohol is a depressant and makes you sadder.

Hope this works out for you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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