I just don't know anymore.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, I'm a 22 year old female. I've been dating someone for 5 months and counting. He is good to me. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but things are overall pretty good.
We've been friends for 3 years. He moved around a lot all over the states during then & when we started developing feelings for each other he decided to move to where I am and settle down to start a relationship with me. He is currently living with me now, but I'm starting to feel unsure.
Sure, we have our laughs and we support each other, we get along great, but at the same time it also feels so..."blah."
I was in love before. And I remember getting those butterfly feelings in my heart. I remember how I would have given up my life just to see my love (at the time) smile. I remember just laying down wrapped in his arms with neither of us saying a word yet feeling as if nothing could ever go wrong.
I don't feel any of it now. And no, I do not miss my ex. There is a reason why I'm not with him anymore. I learned my lessons and I moved on, and I wouldn't go back to him. But I thought...all those feelings I felt...was what a person in love was SUPPOSED to feel...isn't it? Or has my bitter experiences I've had out in the world since I was 16, alone, supporting myself working full time and putting myself through school, has gotten the better of me? I do admit I've changed a LOT since last time I've had those magical feelings. I've seen things I thought only existed in horror movies or nightmares from hell. I became tough, or should I say desensitized, toward life in general. I had to. People's impression of me changed from being described as "friendly, vibrant" to pretty much "reserved and intimidating" over the years....
Have I just become too jaded? Or is it how love is like when you are more grown up and feel worn out by life? It's not like I'm "blah" toward his needs and wants. We listen to each other and work things out together, like two mature adults would, without all those...feelings. He says he feels like he is where he is supposed to be and all that. Me? I don't even know if this is love!!
What is this??? Am I stuck in "blah"??
You need a change. This guy is not good for your mental health and your enjoyment of life. You don't want to be "reserved and intimidating" for the rest of your life.
The only way for things to change would be if you two went to couples counseling and tried to work out your problems. My sense is, however, that the result of counseling might not work. It is difficult to move from blah to butterflies. It is worth a shot though.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com