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Is NC (No Contact) actually hurting us?



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hey George! It's me again! You know, the girl with the 6.5 year off/on relationship with a guy who thinks "whatever happens, happens."

Anyway, I thought a lot about your answer and I do know what I want. I want him back. I just don't know how to go about it.

I'm trying this whole no contact deal. From what I understand, no contact is supposed to give the breakee (me) time to heal and come to terms with my emotions. No contact also has the potential to make the breaker (him) realize what it's like to not have the other person in their life and make them live with their decision. I've heard that this is supposed to last anywhere from 30-90 days.

I was on day 8 when he contacted me online. I kept the conversation short (5 minutes)--told him I was in the middle of something and had to go. When I did that he asked me about the security deposit on the apartment we just moved out of. I told him the details and said I really had to go and got offline. I can't decide if he was talking to me because he missed me or because he is interested in the money? He had already told me a week prior to this conversation that he wasn't that concerned about the security deposit, plus he didn't help clean so I wouldn't give him any money anyway. Also, I've always been the responsible one to keep up with bills so I'm almost POSITIVE that he knows I would've already taken care of that stuff. So what do you think? I really hope he's missing me...

I'm sure he's noticed that I haven't tried to contact him. I don't think I've ever "badgered" him, but absolutely no contact would not go unnoticed. I'm just wondering if it's such a good idea. What if he thinks I'm mad at him and thinks I don't want to hear from him when all I want to do is talk to him?

Oddly enough, I'm proud of and kind surprised at myself that I haven't had frequent urges to call/text/bump into him. I feel like I realized I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. What do you think this means?




RomanceClass.com Advice
I think you are doing well. You stopped contacting him and only eight days later he called you. Keep up this behavior and he will probably be calling again soon. If not, give it time and you already know that the time could be pretty long.

If he thinks you are mad at him and don't want to talk to him, that will make him even more eager to call you because he will be in an uncomfortable suspense.

Hope this works out for you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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