how to deal with an on and off ex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've dealing with this guy for almost 3 years. I actually emailed you before, and I listened to your advice to move on. HOwever, here is the problem. this guy actually came back, but just for a month. I felt he did not respect me, so I was very mad and yelled at him. I told him it was really the end of the relationship. And we both decided to stop talking to each other.
Last month, he sent me a message but I didnt reply. After 2 weeks, he sent another message and asked how things going, so I replied. Then, we started to messaging each other asking how each other is doing.
He finally called me this MOnday, he sounded a little drunk and the signal was not good, so we couldnt talk, and he asked to call me this next day. and he did, but I missed the call, cox I was at work. I called him back, but after 4 days I still haven't got any call from him.
I wonder what he is thinking. I do not know what to do with someone like this. I do not understand why he always initiates a contact but ends up running away from me. I know I have been very rude to him and yelled when things didnt go well. On the other hand, he didnt take me seriouly. He wouldnt show up in a date and stopped calling after we have been talking for a while. Then, he will come back again. It has become a pattern happens again and again for almost 3 years.
I feel very furstrated about this. I want something different. either both of us to move on, or become friends. I dont aim a relationship anymore, even though I still have feeling toward him. I am thinking maybe I should send him an email to ask about what he is thinking and what he wants from me. Maybe we can solve the problem together. Nevertheless, I am also assuming that he is playing me. Like to make me mad and see how I yell at him and run away again. I dont know whether guys would play a girl for three years.
I do not know what to do. should I send him an email and ask him to talk about the problems. Or should I just stop talking to him, even though he calls me again, or should I be patient and talk to him if I can pick up his calls, otherwise dont bother returning his calls, and be nice when I talk to him, in order to see what he wants?
It doesn't matter what he wants right now. You already know that he can't be trusted over time. He has done it over and over again.
You would only be hurting yourself if you let him contact you or if you contact him. Make a final break... just decide. You don't even have to tell him. He will get the message when you don't return his calls (if he even bothers to call.)
Don't put yourself through more misery with this loser!
Good luck. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com