Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I had a one night stand with someone i knew just over a year ago. He seemed very shy and nice to me, even though his general personality is so much more harsh. Although i enjoyed myself, i was happy to leave it as a one night stand. I had been caught up in a complex relationship and still wanted this other guy in my life. I left without turning back that night. He text me every now and again after that but only a short 'how's things?' kind of text.
A few months later, i got into a relationship with the other man in my life, when we were out one night, i had a text from the one night stand guy, who was in the same pub, just with this my boyfriends name and an exclaimation mark and question mark. Once this relationship had broken up for a few months, i had an e-mail from the one night stand guy saying he had a new phone, and to text him my number. I did. I was drunk, and suggested another one night stand. It happened again, and one night stand guy brought up a conversation about how girls always get the wrong idea from him, and harrass him after sex. i reminded him of the last time we had, and that i didnt do that then. he spoke about hating relationships, which i agreed with as in general i do to. I had initiated sex both times by now, the next morning i woke up to a text asking if i had got home alright, which again seems way to sweet for the side of him i had known before, and contradicts other things he had said to me.
I sometimes feel he does things to get a reaction from me, i was having a house party one night, and asked if he wanted to come over, he went to my friends house first instead of mine, as he walked past my house, turned up late, didnt say much to me then annonced he was off to the club 'to get a threesome'....he said it twice as i didnt really react to it. Another time he text saying he was 'bored in the pub' and asked me for sex....i replied asking where and when and he replied an hour later with 'i'm going elsewhere now'. Again i didnt react. I decided it was about time i ignored him for awhile, as he had also started not replying to my texts on the few occassions i would try and make conversation. When i didnt contact him he text me for three friday nights in a row, at 4am, the first two asking what i was doing, and the third one saying 'where are you when i need you?!'. He once asked me whilst i was there, 'am i just sex to you?' i didn't really know how to reply, as he seems not to like me being keen. I answered with 'yes, but i also find you intriguing.'. He has told me, i'm too 'goofy', that my eyes go 'mushy' and when i mess about with him after sex, tickle or steal his quilt etc, that i am being goofy, and to stop it.
Once i left my phone there. I felt awkward but had to go and see if it was there. i thought he may think i was hassling him. He didn't, he invited me in, and i decided to try and kiss him, he kissed me back, but wouldnt let it go further, saying it was late, he kissed me for a long time, and stroked my hand etc.
the last time we spent together, i once again initiated it, and as i was leaving, his friend turned up, his friend shouted at me, saying i was too ugly, and that my one night stand could do better than me. One night stand guy said nothing, he stared at the floor, and tried to change the conversation at one point. I felt let down he didnt stick up for me and stormed out. He isnt one to be a pushover, if anything everyone looks up to him more than the other way round. as i stormed out he run to his front door, when i turned towards him he just looked at me....when i asked again why he didnt stick up for me he said he didnt want to get involved. I just really dont know whether it's just sex to him or whether he likes me more than that. If he does, as he is always so closed, and determind not to speak about these things, how do i go about asking him to spend time with me, or finding out what he wants from things?
He is taking advantage of your initiatives and not really giving much back to you. He should have stood up for you when that other guy called you ugly. It was really mean for him to let it stand.
My advice is to never communicate with him again because he is not good enough for you. Someone better will come along.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com