I miss him and I feel I lost my best friend and lover ...

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Im 25 years old. He's 32. He was previously married and now he's divorced.

We met 2 years ago via myspace. In the beginning he wanted to hang out get to know each other. I didnt, cuz I wasnt too much into the whole dating internet and also because I was in a relationship. He chatted here and there but that was it. About a year and a half ago, we started text messaging here and there randomnly and maybe since a year ago started talking every single day on the phone but I was in a long distance relationship and told him. We became each others confidant and he didnt seem to much to mind that I had a boyfriend since we were only talking and for some reason I just enjoyed talking to him so much. He actually made me realise how fluent and amazing our communication was, how our way to talk handle situations and conflict was that it made me want to be with him just with his personnality, cuz my bf at the time was really bad with just talking to me and expressing his thoughts...

Last summer we met and I was brocken up and we hanged out a couple of times here and there. One night we ended up kissing but shortly after I felt a change in him. He finally told me that I wasnt really his type (physically). Im not a super model, but Im not an ugly girl either. Im 5'7 - 150 pounds. blond. pretty well proportionned...He's 5'8 and a good 200-220 pounds. I admit that when I first saw him I wasnt like WOW but his charms and personnality made him WOW to me. He told me that on my pictures I looked like a bombshell but in person theres that spark missing.

SO I told him okay no problem and we stayed friends. I started talking to him about other guys and although he didnt seem to mind at first, he quickly became very jalous and possesive. Meanwhile he never spoke to me about other girls and always told me, I was the only girl he was talking to.

In October I went to visit my long distance ex, and he wasnt too happy and I reassured him it was over for good. (which was the case already since summer but I guess some things were left hanging that we needed to handle). Keep in mind we spoke every single day, texted numerous times and always wished each other good night.

When Xmas came, he told me he got me a really nice gift. So I figured Ide get him one too. He ended up getting me a really expensive Gucci watch and a card saying ''Our first Xmas together...and many more to come...if you do what I want lol'', and when I read it, we kissed. I asked him, what did this mean, he said lets just take it slow and see.

So we finally dated and it was up to 4 months. I was always mainly at his house because Im in University and have so much studying and also because Im so comfortable with him, was always there in track pants and we'd have supper or watch tv and Id have my books with me and then at night, we'de go to bed. It took 2 months before I sleep with him, having had bad experiences, it takes me time to open up sexually, but he'd always hold me very closely at night.

3 weeks ago he told me he told his dad about me, that he was seeing me, and told his cousin he was taking me out to go watch a hockey game (playoffs). When we first started talking, he had told me he'd take me to one, and we had front row seats and he got them pretty expensive. That night I slept over and we made love and in the morning we went for breakfeast. I was so happy I kept kissing and hugging him. Then I left to go home to study.

The next 3 days after he didnt call or return my calls. And the 4th day he finally told me that he thought I was a sweatheart but thats something is missing, that he doesnt know what it is, but that we dont have that passion, that maybe its related to the fact he's not truly driven and attracted to me, that although he knows Id be a great wife, he doesnt want to fail again and he feels that I love him more than he loves me and thats not fair to me, that I deserved the best and he doesnt know if he's capable to offer me that. He told me maybe down the line, but that he wanted to be just friends...

I obviously freaked and for the first 2 weeks pretty much kept texting and calling and telling him how I wanted us to not go and when I told him are you willing to loose me...he said why, theres another guy? I said yeah (which was true - I got a date but he's the only one I want to go with), he told me dont you think its too soon, what does your heart tell you? And I told him, you know what I want, and he said just give me some time...maybe we'll get back...he told me he does miss me but he doesnt know if its enough to keep the relationship going. I told him what do you expect? You cant compare me to your ex-wife, we just started, plus we're friends first and I was always at your house studying, its not like when we go out a lot (we went out twice and both times he practically raped me and told me I looked really good)

Last tuesday, I wrote him a long text and I said ok - I got the point - I guess you've given up - I do love you but I guess you figured Id get the point if you'd just stop bothering. He replied, NOT NECESSARILY...I didnt answer...and he wrote back again: Im sorry Im being like this. I just got a lot on my mind.

I havent spocken to him since, and its killing me...Its been 4 days I havent contacted him and I just feel the breakup is out of nowhere after a great date...and if he wasnt physically attracted to me then how can he kiss me and make love to me...I dont get it :S

I mean I get his ex wife was a size 0....but he doesnt look like my other exes....

What am I supposed to do...Will he ever come back to me...
I miss him so much and we get along so well - we always have so much fun...I miss sleeping in his arms. He'd wake up and go to work and leave me in his house studying until I return, we were practically like already moved in together...He told me I know you're a good girl, its not right for me to not give you what you want - And I know you want the whole thing...

I told him I couldnt be his friend cuz it would kill me to know he's with someone else...he told me he doesnt want to be with anyone else...he just wants to be alone for some time without feeling to answer to me........


RomanceClass.com Advice
What troubles me most about your experience with him is that he told you that you were not his type (physically.) Without that spark, it would take a very remarkable relationship for things to work out. And your relationship is not working out.

Get this question out in the open. Write him an email and see if he will discuss his physical feelings for you. That is where you need to work if you are to have a successful relationship with him.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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