I have no idea what's going on here... I need help.
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
My girlfriend and I were good friends before we became something and we've been together for some time now. She had a rather submissive personality at the time, with low self esteem and she had always viewed me as "too good" for her and someone she could never have.
But to her surprise, I felt the same way about her. We spent a lot of time together, and I helped her through some rough patches in her life. She had some depression phases and I was always there for her. In fact I felt so strongly for her I would sacrifice myself in order to make her feel better. Eventually she got out of it, saying I had been a great supporter and that she couldn't have pulled through without me.
That's about 4 months ago now, but things seem to have been changing for the worse. I was overly happy to see her self esteem grow a bit,(even though she still has some trouble with her looks, but I guess that's common for most people).
But here is my problem at the time being... I noticed she was not enjoying our time together as much, and we had a few talks. She felt we had been spending too much time together, which I fully understand, we did spend a lot and maybe even too much time. So she wanted a weekend to herself, she called it a "break". She was pleased to see I was fine with that, seeing as she had earlier suspected I had become very co-dependant of her. But after we started seeing each other again, things haven't been the same. She will tell me she's busy when I know she's not.
She doesn't wanna hang out in the evenings any more, we usually see each other in the afternoon and that's it. If I call her late to have a chat before bedtime she has even implied that I have a certain amount of minutes I get to talk to her and she will hang up.
What I'm wondering is, did I change the way she saw me by being "too nice" or "too helpful"?
I used to be her nr 1 priority but now I feel like I'm just a dusty hobby on her shelf she will idle with if she has nothing else to do.
And yes I am starting to get severe jealousy issues when I get the feeling she prefers the company of some of her male friends over me. I am losing my own self esteem gradually, feeling emasculated and I'm pretty sure I've made her view me differently.
We've talked about everything before, we've settled it all and it all went well. But lately she seems to get so annoyed and frustrated when I bring things like this up I've stopped doing so.
This isn't even half of it, I feel her getting mad at me constantly regardless of PMS. Smallest thing, things that doesn't matter, hell if we even play a game together she will flip over nothing.
I am a calm guy and I never raise my voice unless there is a very good reason. I have done so a few times with her and it makes everything so much worse, she gets dangerously mad.
But this didn't use to happen! this is only the last months.. What's happened? I preferred it when she was depressed... and that fact is depressing in itself...
As so often happens with love, things change. One or both of the couple starts to lose interest and things start going down hill. This seems to be the case here.
You have taken the first step... talking.. but without success. In fact it is making things work.
My advice with be painful to do, but could work. That is to ask her for a break to see how you feel about each other. Perhaps if you suggest it she will take it to heart. It's better than what is happening now.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com