logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. --Dr. Seuss



Long Distance Jealousies



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi, I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for almost four years. I have been in the Navy for two of those years so it has also been a 2 year long distance relationship with some visits here and there.

She just started college about 3 weeks ago, and some guy has e-mailed her, talked to her, and met her at a wendys. She tells me he is from her old city (when she was younger) and that they are just friends. The only problem being, I am a semi-jelous guy, and my girlfriend doesnt tell me about these things cause she says I over-react, so I find out by spying on her.

I dont talk to girls because I am committed to her, and we used to feel the same. I dont know why she needs another guy as a friend when she has me. And I always feel like this guy will get her to cheat on me, since alot of guys, expecially in college, are like that.

Is it me that needs to change, or am I semi-right? Please help me!




RomanceClass.com Advice
I have a bunch of tips on long distance relationships here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/54711

they are definitely not easy and take constant work on both peoples' parts. That being said, it seems like several things are going on in your particular relationship.

First, a healthy relationship (long OR short distance) always involves male AND female friends. To cut yourself off from all members of the opposite sex because you can't trust yourself to be near any temptation is on the extreme and untrusting side. If the only way you can stay together is to refuse contact with all 'potential dates', how is that different from insisting you each wear head to toe black robes with tiny eye-slits to prevent anyone from being interested in you? You're both adults. You both should be able to maintain your commitment to each other AND have friends to be a full person with.

To say "she has me, why does she need to talk to anyone else" is saying that a human being can survive with just one other human being to relate to. That flies against the knowledge that humans are social people, that we enjoy having friends, belonging to groups, going to social gatherings, etc. Being forced to talk to one person, and one person only, isn't love. That is obsession.

That all being said, the foundation of every relationship is honesty and trust. You must trust each other completely and rely on them. If your girlfriend is sneaking around and doing things, that is wrong. There are ALWAYS excuses for people who lie, and "I thought you would get angry" is just one of many. Every single person who cheats doesn't want to deal with the anger!! If she really is NOT cheating then why would she hide it? If you get upset about things, it's her and your responsibity to work through the issue so you do not. But lying is NEVER, ever a way to deal with a situation. If she can lie about this, because it's "easier than telling the truth", then she will / can just as easily lie about other things. And if she's going to lie about something as meaningless about "met him at Wendy's" then of course she's going to lie about anything more serious.

You need to impress on her to lying is NEVER appropriate in a relationship. That you deal with issues together. And that anger and jealousy is something all couples deal with. But to start lying to do what you want is the death knell for most relationships. She needs to take responsibility for what she does and for her role in keeping your relationship a solid, healthy one.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Jealousy Issues

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

French Wedding