Building Trust

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am having some reservations. About a year ago now, my fiance and I were having problems.We were engaged to be married and had been together for almost three years. He told me that he was having mixed feelings about getting married,but it did not have anything to do with his feelings for me. Well, we took some time apart (about two weeks), and during that time I was a wreck. I was suspicious and very sad. When we came back together he told me that it was me he wanted and that the problem he was experiencing was simply a lack of balance in his life- working too much, not seeing enough of family and friends. The next day, he left his phone on the bed, which was unusual since he had previously always kept it near him. I went through it and discovered that he had been talking to another woman I slightly knew. He panicked, though admitted that he had been talking to her for about a month and had seen her during the time we were apart- though did not sleep with her (which I believe). He had resolved not to talk to her anymore before he got back together with me... since then I have been experiencing some major insecurities. He says he only saw this woman because she boosted his ego... but I cannot help but question what it was he saw in her. Things were really hard between us for a long while and I broke it off with him twice... and even sparked up a flirtation with another man... which I regret very much now. I love him with all my heart, but still experience bouts of sadness and anger over what he did initially. He seems like he has tried everything to reassure me and since that happened, has been really transparent with his whereabouts and is no longer secretive with his e-mail and phone. He says that he would marry me today if I would agree... and i believe that he regrets his actions. I feel guilty a lot of the time for holding on to this, when I have acted so poorly in response to what he did (flirting with another man, constantly reminding him of the past)...but what if it happens again? what if I cannot move past the hurt I feel each time I think of him confiding in and spending time with another woman? I don't want to lose him. How do I handle my insecurities and rebuild my trust for him? Advice
Time heals all wounds. You will get over this sooner or later. Meanwhile, whenever you think of her say to yourself "He loves me!" That will help you start to trust him again.

Be thankful that nothing more happened between them or you would be really miserable. He seems to be an honest, loving guy and not all guys are. You may not have enough experience to know that... and you don't want to experience it.

If you continue to hold these feelings for another three months, you should consider seeing a counsellor who could help you.

Best of luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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