Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
A while ago I met a girl online via a very popular IM/VOIP application, the first night that we talked, we connected with each other without any effort. As time went by we continued to met each other online almost every night and we shared very personal things with each other so the connection between us was very strong, eventually I confessed that I felt a certain way towards her and she reflected those feelings (sort-of) and said that if I were living nearby her that she would date me without a doubt. As the months passed we continued to talk with each other but on a different level , we were now telling each other how we felt about each other, I sent her text messages and e-mails very often I also wrote her letters which I posted to her (our feelings were both mutual). She told me that she finds me attractive and that I was the sweetest and most sensitive guy that she ever met. I really did make it clear that she was the only one for me as that was how I felt. I said to her that it wouldn’t be a problem if I were to relocate to where she lives (she lives in a different country that what I do) as I am really just beginning my career, but I also said that she should let me know if that is what she wanted, but she could never give me a real answer…The snag with this situation is: When I met her she had just officially broken up with her boyfriend whom she dated for 8 months (she walked out on him as she did not feel that he was treating her the way she wanted to be treated, they were now apart for 4 months), and occasionally she would visit him (she said just to be friends as she was very emotionally attached to him still) but one time she went to see him, he kissed her as they parted(she told me all of this as we are always honest with each other) and I did not say anything about it (though I was very hurt), the next time she wanted to see him I said to her that we should take a break from talking to each other online and I suggested that she should rather try to make up with him if that is where her heart really was, as I could not bear to think of him kissing her again (after all that we shared with each other). So she got fed up with me and said that it is over between the two of them. None-the-less she went to see him and told me that it is really over between the two of them, but she would still like to be his friend. That caused us to argue and ever since there has been a huge rift between us. We don’t talk to each other in the same way as we used to and it even feels awkward talking to her now. I don’t want to share my feelings with her anymore because I feel I will be wasting my time by doing so, maybe some other guy comes along and sweeps her off her feet… someone who can actually be there for her and not talk about being there for her. She is 6 years younger than me but her ex is one year older than I am. Do you think she is worth pursuing? We are still (online) friends though, somehow I can’t stop caring for her as she is very adorable and she has a special place in my heart (she knows that as I have told her). Should I really make her see how much she means to me by relocating my life to where she is? I told her that she means the world to me but I don’t know if she knows how much I mean it. Am I making too much of a big deal of this… should I just let it go? Are online relationships just reserved for movies like Sleepless in Seattle? Is the “juice worth the squeeze”? If I had some concrete advice it would really help. Was she ever mine to love in the first place????
My advice is to tell her you are coming to her country and see what she says.
If she is eager for you to come, then do that. It may turn out to be a mistake, or it may be the best thing you've ever done. You will never know if you don't try.
If she is hesitant about your coming, then do not go. Tell her that you will only come if she is eager for you to. Then the ball is in her court and you can decide from what she says.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com