After 9 months he wanted a short break

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I started seeing my guy about 9 months ago. We clicked right from the start although never got serious until about 3 months into our relationship. I love him, he says he loves me yet out of the blue he tells me he wants a 'short' break? nothing different had happened on on my part- I thought he may have been seeing someone else but he assures me he isn't and just wants time by himself.

I do respect this but we have had no contact for 2 weeks- i dont want to hassle him yet have left a msg aking how he was doing- I feel if he cared about us he would have returned my call? I think about him all the time but I dont want to hang around if its for nothing. Should I give it time and wait for his call or tell him its over? Advice
There should never be a reason, in a happy relationship, to take a break. Either you're happy with the person and want to be with them, or you're unhappy with a person and don't want to be with them. Plenty of people are in relationships where they are apart for weeks at a time for school or military reasons or whatever. They don't have to take breaks, they just call each other and send each other letters. For someone to say to you "I don't want to date you any more, maybe I will later" is pretty much saying "something is wrong and I don't feel like telling you what it is."

This guy was old enough to ask you to go out with him and to be in a relationship with you. That means he's old enough to tell you *to your face* why there is a problem now. To just drop someone like he did is childish and completely unfair. Even if he does come back to you eventually because he "feels like it", what's to say he'll stay this time or for how long before he decides he wants to roam again?

All relationships are based on honesty and trust - that you rely on your partner to work on things with you, to share things with you and to be there. If you can't rely on your partner to work out issues, then any time even the slightest issue comes up you're going to worry that they will bail. I would really ask this guy out even for drinks and ask him for what is really going on. If he wants to break up, again, he should at least say that to your face and explain why.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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