Our Relationship is On the Rocks
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a boyfriend that lives in new york i live in Jersey, and thats a strain on my trusting him....but I still do.
I went to visit recently and i pulled a prank that i was leaving and drove off.....he was upset...but when i came back and told him i was only kidding he said if i didnt come back he'd go sleep.
a week after this incident i brought it up, becuase the very night i spoke to him about it i apologised and he said nothing, he wanted to talk about the stars (we were outdoors). That made me furious but at the time i felt like i was in the wrong so i said nothing. on the other hand i dont think he is very emotional or much of a romantic. Like most guys do ( I belive ) they start out pretty nice and the later they show they weren't really liking being mushy.
Another thing is if I see him today...if i dont call him he may not call for 4-5 days even a week...and intentionally never call until he does. I love him, i deifnitely do ....I respect him but i think he doesn't make the effort or time for me anymore....if its sex everything goes fine then after that...its whatever till next time. Please help me out....this is making me depressed...LOST
I definitely think you guys need to sit down and really talk about your relationship and how to make it stronger.
First off, partners in a relationship should be best friends who are always trying to help each other out. To play a "joke" where the aim is to hurt him isn't very nice!! What if he thought it was a fun joke to chase you with a knife threatening to cut you? He was very right to be upset by it - and then later when you apologized, what did you want him to say? "That's ok"? He probably did the best he could by just letting it go and trusting that you would never do that again.
Talking about the stars IS romantic, look at how many movies involve two lovers talking about the stars on a nice night. Talking about how one person actively harmed the other person is NOT romantic so if anyone was being romantic that night, he was. You were reminding him of why you weren't always a good girlfriend.
Depending on your relationship, a week isn't necessarily a long time. Some people call weekly, others call daily, but it all depends how close they are. If you guys are living in different states that may just be where your relationship is. If you want him to call more often, what would you talk about? You need to have *reasons* to call, like agree to call each Tuesday while you watch a show together or something. Or agree to meet up more often. Relationships don't just happen, they require work.
For you to intentionally play games with your calling is also a bad idea. Now he won't look at calling as a nice gesture - he'll see it's an obligation and that you only agree to call when "X" rules are met. You should call when you want to, he should call when he wants to. Maybe send email in between, or real life letters, or text messages, or other things. Jazz it up a bit. I have tons of advice on long distance relationships here -
but it sounds like you guys really have to work on your REAL relationship and bring more love and respect into it, too.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com