Do You Have To Love your Spouse?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Do you have to at least fall in love with your spouse in order for there to be a successful, happy, fulfilled marriage? Advice
I think the issue here is with the definition of love. If you are in a happy, fulfilled marriage that is successful, then you are happy with your spouse since your spouse is part of that marriage. And for many that IS what love is - being content with someone, happy to come home to them each night, trusting them, relying on them. That is what love is all about.

So maybe your question is more something like "I am not daily swept off my feet by a handsome, romantic person who dotes on me hand and foot and who brings me flowers once a week - is this OK?" There are many confusing ideas out there about what love "is". Many are fostered by movies that try to convince us that love should be a 24 hour a day rush of non-stop romance. That's not what love is. That's what infatuation is. Love is about trusting someone, relying on them, being comforted by them, being fully honest with them.

So if you are these things, then you have a mature love and can easily have a happy, fulfilled marriage with that person. If you are with a person who you can't stand to be with, who lies to you and cheats on you, I doubt you could have a happy or fulfilled marriage.

-- from Jenn
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