long distance - contact suddenly gone. why???
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I tried an online dating site – someone in Texas contacted me (I am in Washington). I don’t want to date anyone outside my metropolitan area however I thought it was no harm in responding. We emailed back and forth and eventually started texting daily. We spoke on the phone and (barring anything not being true – which is hard to know when the person is so far away) this man seems to be a very kind and upstanding man who I really enjoy talking to and frankly am curious about getting to know better.
He regularly texted me every day, first thing in the morning was a “good morning” and the last thing at night was a “sweet Dreams” filled with texts all throughout the day. There’s been flirting. I once addressed with him on the phone” what is this and what happens now?” He told me he is a very cautious person, a patient man, who believes it’s best to really take TIME to get to know someone. He said if he was not truly interested in getting to know me he would have flown up to WA to meet me already. He is a true southern gentleman and believes calling unexpected is not appropriate and believes it’s very easy to “fall for” someone in a controlled environment so us communicating for a while is the best way before deciding to meet. He has told his friends about me and that he’s not interested in being ‘set up’ with anyone because he’s spending time getting to know me.
Anyways… We’ve been in contact for nearly 2 months. I feel I have pushed this poor guy away about 3 times due to me testing him, being afraid to fall for him, being afraid of being hurt or scammed….etc. I’ve questioned him a lot about some things and told him I have a hard time just believing verbatim as I have been hurt before.
About 2 weeks ago I noticed he was still up on that dating website. He has every right to be as we are not officially “dating” however it bothered me because he said that site is really not what he’s “about”. I didn’t tell him I noticed….I have just had it festering in my head ever since. I have noticed he logs on everyday.
A week ago hurricane IKE hit. Things are now all out of whack. Thankfully he is fine, his home is fine. He’s been helping with rescue efforts so for days now he’s been pretty much out of touch. He’d still send a “good morning” text in the morning but nothing all day and maybe something at night after he got home. (His days have been 18 hours long). He did call a few days ago and we briefly talked but he was deliriously tired. I had told him I wasn’t feeling well, was having bad dreams, etc. Maybe that was too much “heavy” to talk about in that moment. Maybe he thinks it all has to do with him? I don’t know.
Anyways….I haven’t heard from him in 2 days since that talk. In 2 months he’s never gone a day without some contact so this is really odd. I sent a text one day hoping he was doing well. Another day I sent a funny little text – and told him I hope he’d be able to relax over the weekend. Nothing back. HOWEVER, I have noticed he’s managed to log onto that website everyday still. He cant simply text me back – but he will log onto that site? This is so unlike him. There’s been a time in the past his phone went dead and he immediately emailed me to keep in contact so if there is a phone issue, he could still contact me.
A hurricane is no small thing and I feel selfish being upset I haven’t heard from him. It’s just so unlike him and I cannot find a reason or cause. I had asked him once if he was an honest enough person to TELL someone if he’s in a situation he doesn’t want to be in or would he just hope they “get a hint” and go away? He said very clearly to me “I would not be where I am today if I couldn’t be very direct and honest with people. I would be very clear about not wanting to be involved if it is not what I wanted.”
Have I pushed him off too much? Is it selfish of me to think if he’s logged onto that site when he’s gotten home after 18 hour days that it’s fair to expect a text from him? Is there some reason why he would have pulled off contact?
This guy is a true romantic that believes in chivalry and southern gentleman qualities. I think this is why I am so confused as to why no contact for 2 days – even in response to the 2 I sent.
He took time out of his crazy days to call 2 days ago….5 days ago was still flirting with me like nothing was wrong even saying goodnight with “xoxoxo – hug and kiss”. How could it change to suddenly and what do I do about it? Just wait? No contact?
Write an email and remind him that he stated he would tell you honestly and directly if he tired of you. Now you wonder what is going on.
I'd wait another five days before sending the email. Maybe this is all a mistake.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com