Why am I so Jealous?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
So i have been with my Boyfriend for about 8 months now. He is a very straight forward & honest type of person, which I appreciate, but alot of the time, especially lately its hard to take. He has a young daughter and is still married to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. His ex has been obsessed and wanting to be back with him for a long time & even stalked me& harrassed me until she hit my car and got arrested & got their daughter taken away. Well, he has no desire to be with her in any way ever again because of her abuse and jealousy. Well, I find myself being so insecure because when things went bad in his past with her he did cheat, but only cuz he knew she had. I dont want the same thing to happen, and I dont want him to stop being up front with me because he's afraid of my reactions. For me, the jealousy started with my ex, but on both ends. But my BF now is not jealous (which is cool). But I find myslef jealous of the stupidist things...like if he's attracted to someone on TV or in a magazine. The thing with my BF is always speaks his mind...like one night we went to my friends house for a party, and one of my friends showed up all dressed up and hair done, and he told me the next day " don't take this the wrong way, but so-and-so looked gorgeous last night". At 1st I was upset/jealous, but i tried not to feel bad about it, and he I asked if he thought she was prettier than me and of course he said no. But i cant understand why i have such a hard time accepting him saying what i am usually thinkning (since I notice other pretty girls too). I want it to not bother me. I can tell that my lack of confidence is a turn-off to him...and most guys, especially since I am just as attractive if not more to the opposite sex. I think maybe part of the reason is because my BF is still traumatized from what his ex did to him and with his daughter, that he doesnt like to plan for the future with me.
Please help...I want him to only desire me, and the thought of him being with or him wanting or thinking about being with anyone else just drives me nuts....i dont want to be jealous, and i shouldnt be, i dont want to be that girl.
I know that the only way he would want a future with me is if things are good now...and we already live together which is a big committment.
I want to be a cool girlfriend...he should be able to speak his mind to me like he does.I just dont want to be or feel jealous anymore...I guess i get jealous if someone has something I dontsometimes, like certain physical features.
You have mentioned most of the signs and causes of jealousy. Reducing jealousy is very difficult to do and you may want to find a professional counselor to help you out.
Meanwhile, Google DEALING WITH JEALOUSY and you will find a good number of useful websites. Here's one:
also, check out our advice at:
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com