He Fell Out of Love
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been going out for half a year. He didn't start saying "I love you" until like maybe 2 months into it. He told me that he has never loved a girl before. And that he has never even told his mom he loves her. This made me feel so good. Because he really loved me. This was one of my best relashionships. He was the first guy i've actually ever really fallen in love with.
I had left out of town and came back in a week. I couldn't call him except for once for about 5 minutes. We used to talk like 24/7 all the time. But when i came home he started acting different towards me... i asked him what was wrong but he avoided me by sayind "oh everything is normal and fine with me" finally I got i got it out of him and he said when i had left he didnt feel as close to me anymore.He told me he would try to go back to the way things used to be. That lasted like 2 days or so. I was really hurt by this because he like totally changed towards me...he stopped calling as often and if he did the conversations would go like this "hi"...."bye" so i didnt know what to do...my girlfriends told me to break up with him because he wasnt the same person.
But before i had the chance to do it after the 3weeks of awkwardness he said he thought it would be better if we broke up. It was a total slap in the face. I had expected it but not like that. I told asked him why he "changed" and he said he didn't know and that he just doesnt feel the same way about me. I asked him if their was another solution like maybe just not talking to eachother for a while and not breaking up...but he said that really wouldnt work. He was really confusing while we were talking after it had happened...and he said well i dont want you to wait for me, but if i ever feel the same way again then i'll tell you. It was really weird because i wanted to stay on the phone with him as long as i could. And i just cried to him...and made him cry too.
He says he wants me to call him and to be friends...but i dont know what to do.. i just need advice. I want him back so bad. I just want it to go back to the way things used to be...but i guess i have to face reality...i just dont know. please help...im so hurt...how could he just start feeling that? and just fall out of love so quick....
That really is extremely odd. You're quite right. How could someone go from in love to out of love just in a week? People go on trips ALL the time. They go on business trips, family trips etc. They don't suddenly stop loving all the people that they didn't see for that week. Something really must have been wrong BEFORE that trip and he used it as an excuse.
He's really not telling you what's wrong here. He says he "feels differently". Well that's not a news flash. That's fairly obvious. The issues is WHAT he feels is different. Ask him, as a friend, to sit down with you and talk about things just so you can have some closure. Ask him if he imagined an ideal relationship, what would be most important to him. Don't argue with him or yell or get upset. Just make a list. Say thank you when you're done and leave. Then look at the list at home. Look at the top 2 or 3 things. Think of ways to incorporate those things into your friendship. Don't make a big deal about it - but just start doing it. Show him that you two CAN have these things that are important to him.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com