I like my best friend's girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
One of my best friends has had a girlfriend for the last 5 weeks. Me and her have been talking a lot and we just clicked, we are both very attracted to eachother, in fact i have never felt this strongly about anyone (i'm 18). We ended up talking about this, which is when she told me that she feels just as strongly about me.
My best friend knows that I like her and that she likes me, but he doesn't know the extend of it.
This situation is now really confusing, me and her don't know what to do next. We have been flirting a lot. We both know we shouldn't have let it get to this, but we got to this stage anyway and can't stop thinking about eachother. We don't want to just forget about it all.
She likes my best friend (her boyfriend) as well, and doesn't want to split up because he's a nice guy. But we both also realise we can't continue like this, because we want eachother so much.
Can you give any advice?
One of the most common things in relationships is to like the mates of your friends. You like your friends because of common interests. Your friends find mates with common interests. So people break up and get together and break up with that same set of people.
So if she BROKE UP with your best friend it would be normal for you guys to then date. But if you CAUSE HER TO BREAK UP then you are in essence proving that she WILL break up with a given person just because another seems interesting. Which means if she then dates you, whose to say it won't happen again? As soon as you start failing to work on existing relationships because your eyes wander, they are going to keep wandering. That doesn't "fix" with a perfect relationship - because NO relationship is perfect. There's always someone handsomer or richer or sexier or whatever. So either you commit to working on the relationship, or you cheat and keep cheating. There really isnt' much of a middle ground.
So she really needs to focus on her current parnter in life and see if that works or doesn't work for her. She was already bad enough to get distracted by you. And again, as much as you click with her, there are going to be hundreds of other guys out there that she could click with just as readily. If she's going to allow herself to get drawn into those situations, she is going to be in for misery in the future. If she gets a reputation as a woman who cheats, she's going to be awfully lonely, too.
If after her work and efforts things just don't work out, then you can of course date her. But to keep up what you're doing right now is dragging her into cheating, and that is going to cause serious harm to you, to her and to the guy she's with. It's never worth it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com