My Boyfriend is Stressed Out
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i have been dating this guy for bout 6 months, we were great but we work different hours and school is about to start and we hardly get to see each other and it stresses him out, well me too.
the other day he is like i cant take it anymore, you deserve way more than this, its going to be even worse when school starts and he doesnt know if he can manage a relationship, school and work. this is his last year of college and he is completely buggin over it. plus we have a commitment that he was dragging his feet in for fear that we would break up...especially since we have been the best of friends.
i know he has to focus in school, and he still loves me, but how do i manage this...its like we're not in a relationship no more but we together, nothing has changed except now he worries that i'll go away, we havent spoken in two days and i dont know whats going on.
how to i handle this? is this something that will pass or is there nothing i cant do for his insecurities? i miss him and i do love hime very much, but this is a lil over the top for me to even begin to understand you know...please give me some advice...
Yes, the last year of school is stressful, and there are all sorts of things that have to get done. But it sounds like he is treating you like an "object that has to be treated by X rules" instead of a best friend and girlfriend! Sure, he's busy. But lots of people have long distance relationships where they NEVER get to see each other at all! Why can't you guys stay boyfriend-girlfriend and just see each other once a week for some relaxation? You could still send each other email and chat on the phone. There's no rule that say boyfriends and girlfriends have to see each other daily.
It sounds like he is setting up all these false expectations for himself - in his WHOLE world, not just in his dating - and is then stressed when he can't meet them all. He needs to take a more realistic view of the world. You are supposed to be his best friend, his partner, the one he can depend on in time of trouble. This does NOT mean he runs off and abandons you as soon as things get tough! This is the time when you SHOULD be there for him, helping him feel like things are OK.
So stay there for him and really have a talk with him. You are his GIRL FRIEND which means you care about him. You don't need X hours a week as your "due". You two can support and care for each other even if it means just friendly notes or little text messages. Show him that the real test of a relationship is how they handle the hard parts - not how they drift through the easy times.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com