He's Got Feelings for the Cheating Woman
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs and last month I found out he was cheating on me with some other girl so we broke up.
Then just recently we got back together cause he told me he made a mistake and that he loves me. I feel like he still has feelings for her and I can't say anything about her cause he's quick to defend her. if he loves me than why is he defending her.
People do not turn emotions on and off like a faucet. Yes, he came back to you because he loves you. But that doens't mean he hates the other woman. He liked her, obviously, to go off with her, but he likes you more. It still doesn't mean he wants to hear her being bashed.
On the other hand, he betrayed you and cheated on you with her. So you were very good to take him back - and it's not unreasonable for you to tell him that he needs to be completely sorry for his betrayal and not rub the issue in your face. Meaning that if you still have issues with this woman, he has to understand that. I suppose it depends on what you are saying. If you are saying she's a crack whore that kills babies and really she was a sweet girl he met in church, he'd be right in being a bit upset. It may very well be that she wasn't interested in a relationship with him until he chased her, so that it is really his fault and not hers she got roped into this. And don't forget, he just abandoned her again for you, which in many ways (assuming she was innocent in the first place) means that she's gotten the raw deal in all of this.
Obviously something was pretty wrong in the first place if he went off cheating, and things are still not right. I would really talk with a therapist, just for a few weeks, to get over these cheating issues. If you talk about it with a third party that can help him see how damaging that cheating was, he might listen. It doesn't sound like he's listening to you right now.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com