Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have a friend that I've known for a little over a year. I'm 18 years old, and she is 19. After meeting her, I instantly fell for her. The only problem was...she was with another guy. Normally, she wouldn't be an option in my mind at all, I do not endorse cheating and I get sick even thinking about it. I pride myself on trust and honesty so I am in a terrible bind now because of the things that have recently happened.
I recently opened up to her with my feelings for her with no intention of trying to 'steal her away' or intrude on her current relationship. I found out that she feels the same way about me. She loves her boyfriend (she has been with him about a year) but she says that she 'grew' to love him. They made good friends, so they also made good lovers. She says she fell for me, that she couldn't help it. We have a fabulous chemistry and connection to each other and the emotions run so deep between us. When we get together, we can't keep our hands off of each other. Just recently, she came to my house and we made love.. It wasn't sex, there was too much emotion, too much between us for it to have been 'just' sex. We both feel horribly guilty about it (though neither of us regret it) and I get sick at the thought that I am a cheater for helping her cheat on him...though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. She is with him, and she cheated on him physically, but spiritually, it feels like we were 'meant to be'. Maybe I'm making up excuses for my actions, but we connect on a level that most could not even comprehend.
She says she loves me, but that she is confused. She is torn between him and me. She can't decide, so she sticks with him. Maybe she is scared to pursue a relationship with me, maybe I am out of the comfort zone. If she drops him and comes to me and things don't work out, she's lost us both. I love her to the depths of my heart, but she refuses to pursue anything with me. She doesn't want to get rid of him, and I refuse to be a 'backup' for when the relationship between them doesn't work out. If things go wrong with their relationship, I don't want to just be 'the next person on the list'. If she loves me as deep as she says she does, shouldn't she want to pursue a relationship with me? Wouldn't she leave this guy if we truly had that deep of a connection? I don't know what to do. Please help me.
You and she are both cheaters and that is what is troubling the relationship.
Your feelings are entirely right and she is not giving you what you need. My feeling is that you, especially, will feel better about the whole situation if you break this relationship off.
It will hurt to do this, but she is going to make you feel bad about this no matter what happpens.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com