How do I know if a girl I like has the same problems I do?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I know this may sound like a weird question, but I have Asperger's syndrome (a condition that typically describes people who are academically smart, have a particular area of special interest they love talking about, but often don't get the "unwritten" rules of socialization) and was wondering how I could find out if a girl I like has the same thing without saying the words "I have Asperger's syndrome. Do you?"
I know plenty of guys on the spectrum, many of whom are my best friends and have been since high school (and in some cases middle school). I do not, however, know any girls who have this. Many girls that I know seem to be on a more "conformist" level than I am, meaning that they are basically the opposite of me. they are of average intelligence, have no particular areas of special interest, and are (basically) experts at socialization. However, I know there are girls out there that are more like me, but usually they're "too old" for me to date (I'm 20 years old, by the way), and that despite their perpetual social difficulties, they love to socialize anyway (much like me). How can I get to know a girl who either is or is close to being Asperger's syndrome who's between 18 and 23 (24 at the VERY oldest)?
One of the big challenges you face is the fact that 90% of diagnosed AS are male. If you are definitely looking for an AS date then your work is cut out for you.
Some ideas I've seen are to investigate comic book conventions, science fiction activities, online games, and the like. Since you have a special interest make every effort to find a woman who shares it with you.
Regarding the woman you are interested in, you are right that you would not ask her outright if she has Asperger's. Slowly get to know her until you feel comfortable sharing more about yourself. Then she should reveal herself to you.
Women are naturally more sociable than men, it's something they have been trained in from an early age.
Best of luck to you.
p.s. do some looking on the internet by googling aspergers female or similar searches. You can get ideas that way.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com