How to establish a relationship without hurting anyone?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
At the beginning of this school year I found a new friend: a freshman from my university. I am a junior and generally do not pay attention to "greenies", but this one I kind of kept meeting here and there, because he is sociable and knows everybody. He started initiating closer contact by giving me kisses on the cheek, hugs, etc. However, recently I realized that he has asked about me here and there, my friends and roommates in the dormitories. He has also browsed through all the info I have published in my facebook profile. He has gone through all my pictures, links, etc, etc. He also started paying me lots of compliments and invented two nicknames for me: "Beauty" and "Valentine" (my name sounds similar to that of Valentine). His latest favourite joke is to sneak behind me when I am sitting in the computer lab and to cover my eyes with his palms. And so on and so forth, we should not forget the traditional valentine card, the exchange of skype addresses, cell phone numbers...
All that would be wonderful if it were not for the following fact: I DO NOT LIKE HIM as a man and that is a fact which definitely should not be ignored. Another complication comes from the fact that I have gotten closer to his roommate recently. At a first glance his roommates creates the impression of a very arrogant and self-confident guy. And that was the way he was treating me when I met him for the first time. However, lately he simply removed his mask of arrogance and started talking to me in a very nice and gentle way. A couple of weeks ago he would meet me in the lobby and he would shout after me "Hi, Freak!" Today he would come out of his way, would leave his group of friends to come to say "Hi!" and would usually twist his fingers around mine and would speak with a soft, gentle voice.
So, now I feel I am gonna put myself in a big mess, if I keep going like this. Everybody keeps telling me that my stalker likes me more than just a friend and that I should not break his heart. But I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM AT ALL! And what is even worse, the small gestures of the arrogant guy make me more excited than all the kisses and the hugs my "stalker" gives me.
Is there any advice for a situation like this?
Well, truth would be a good start.
As difficult as it may to do, tell the stalker than you like him as a friend but that if he is interested in more then you are not interested. Also tell him that you are interested in his roommate so he won't be unpleasantly surprised if something develops.
Then tell the roommate that you find him attractive and ask him out for coffee or dinner.
These are fairly easy situations to deal with and as you grow older you will feel more comfortable just telling people the truth.
Good luck! George
p.s. he won't be very hurt if you tell him gently.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com