After 6 yrs I'm in love w/ his bestfriend- now what?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have twins together. At the beginning of our relatioship he was a liar- cheater- drug user- theif- u name it. He has grown up completely and now is a hard-working loving father. But as for my feelings for him, I have always taken extreme pride in my honestly and faithfulness. He was my first kiss and so on. But now I feel drained and like it's to little to late- just when he's turned around and adores me. Not to mention his best friend who I've always had a crush on but never dared to reveal- not even to my best friend. About a month ago I was visitng our home town where the best friend lives and my boy friend and I were going through a rough time- to put it shortly I ended up hanging out with his best friend for 3 nights in a row- never doing more than kissing. I then decided I was going to leave my boyfriend and move back home- as morally concious of a person I am I felt that I would not have gone out of my way to have this happen with his friend had I not wanted to leave him. But shortly after I returned to him and didnt speak to his friend at all. Now a month later things have not improved with the boyfriend and I am back in town visiting. It just so happened that over the weekend his best friend was in town from work so we hung out... and I slept with him. After 6 years of being faithful and true I slept with his best friend. And I trully believe I have feelings for this guy. I've always been attracted to him physically and just his whole personality- he is a great guy. But then I think about it and what great guy would sleep with his best friends girlfriend/mother of his kids?! So my question for you isn't if I should leave my boyfriend, because I know I couldn't live with myself to go back to him and know what I did- that and I'm just not in love with him anymore. My question is this- can it work between his best friend and I? He has been there through all the stuff my boyfriend has done. He was around when I was pregnant and all. I can't figure out if he was an a**hole for sleeping with his best friends girlfriend or if he knew what all my boyfriend had done and wanted to be there for me and be what he isn't. Does that even make sense?! I can tell he is scared to move forward with me b/c of my boyfreind and he has said aloud that he feels bad about what we are doing, and I agree. But does that mean we should stop? I feel like I should wait a awhile then maybe give him a shot later but you only live once and he just seems so right. And I have one small question, when him and I hang out it's always alone at his house, never out anywhere- do you think this is b/c he is taking advantage of me in my position and wants to just- well you know- or is it b/c he's afraid of who will see us and my boyfriend finding out? I really hope you read this and respond. Thanks so much for your time!
My first observation is that you might want to consider couples counseling.
Divorce is very hard for the people involved. There are the kids to think about; finances; living arrangements; reactions from relatives and friends; and the hurt that always results from breakups.
You ask questions about your boyfriend's best friend that you might ask about yourself. Are *you* an a**hole for sleeping with you boyfriend's best friend?
And it sounds like he is having the same misgivings about the relationship that you are. Yes, you should stop until the air clears and you are divorced. If there is a serious connection between you two it should last the wait. And, you won't look so obvious about what happened.
Regarding "always alone at his house" I think he is afraid of people seeing you in public. There is also the- well you know- advantage.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com