Is there still another chance?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I actually wrote a topic about this few days ago, but i found out that the last one wasnt quite detail enough so i decided to write in another one with more details. Sry bout it George =)
I met my ex ealier March this year. We started dating, talk on the phone, got very interested with each other and things progress very fast for the two of us. Before we got together, things went up and down and we offcially got together on 3th of May.
We stayed together, involved sexually and i got really attached to her. Both of us really fell head over heels that time. But 2 months later, she went to Switzerland to further her studies in the Hotel Management field. Obviously being together for only 2 months and then this turn to a long distance relationship, we do not have a strong foundation yet.
When she just arrived there, she felt really homesick, she would call me almost everyday, cry on the phone. I alwiz said Honey, this is your decision, you have to be strong, and you'll be coming back in 5 more months, time is really fast. We do so many things together again alright?
But both of us started to get used to our own lifes. I would hang out with my friends. She, was quite busy with her campus life too. We would sms and talk on the phone everyday, and skype more than 5 days a week. Wake each other to class everyday.
Even though we had 6 hours time gap, i would wake up 5:00am in the morning to just make her feel happy.
She juz needed more attention everytime, to her its alwiz not enough. She juz needs more. I dun think she understand that we were in Long distance now, there are times when i couldnt be there but that is the time she needed it the most, i felt so useless but i couldnt tell her. She thinks that i never commit in this relationship. I guess those have built up disappointment. She the type of girl that says no but actually mean yes. When she is not honest to what she want, i cant really give what she want.
As time move on, we started to have communication problems, we easily misintepret each other and got into a very big arguement all the time. Most of her friends thinks that i'm not a very good boyfriend as i alwiz make her cry, who on the earth can actually know how i feel? it seriously hurts me like HELL! All they say was please leave this guy, his not worth it.
It was one day in November that she suddenly treat me very very cold. She didnt wanna talk to me much in the phone and her smses are getting shorted and colder. I started to become more and more progressive, more aggresive, and i was overly worried bout losing her. When i try to ask her do you still love me, all she could say is yes i do, but not like last time. I asked her too are we still doing this together? she said yes and yet she still treat me very cold. She even said that calling me like this is expensive, when she used to say its okay, i wanna talk to you everyday, its long term investments in our relationship. Whats with the sudden change too right?
She signed a contact with a Hotel in the country we are from and doing internship there for 6 months. She used to say she is willing to come back for us, for our love. But when we are having hard times, she said this that really made me heartbroken, she said to be honest, i think i'm really stupid for coming back to do this internship when i can experience this in oversea.
Its November 19 the day we broke up. I can no longer stand the coldness she giving me, i alwiz think that if she still insist that she still love me and willing to do this together, she shouldnt treat me so cold. I was really angry that day, because i've waited the whole day for her to call me but she kept me waiting, she even left her phone in her room and this is the very first time she is doing this, it hurts me like hell too.
I've had enough of waiting when i have the chance to talk to her, i told her, Lets end this okay? I know i'm wrong and too harsh in making this decision, because she is coming back in another 4 weeks(17 of dec), and because i was too angry that time, i couldnt see the whole picture, i should have waited for her to come back first, its just 4 weeks. So i brokeup with the reason that I love you but i dont think u are taking the effort to improve it anymore, i dont think you love me anymore, you are treating me so different now.
She kept quiet, but we still treat this as a breakup. On the same day i called her back, i said i really dowan to do this, can we treat this as a temporally breakup? she said no without even thinking. So i asked her do u wanna treat this as a forever one then? she said she cant decide but she'll see me in december and we'll talk about it. We end our call saying I Still Love You, that was the very last time we said that. She promise us that we'll talk in december. i was suppose to go back to my hometown for Christmas, but i decided to wait for her to come back and settle everything first. I also promise that i would call her on the 15 of Dec to confirm again, 2 days before she comes back. No one actually understand my feelings, dumping something that i still love and regretted doing, its really heartbroken. The day i brokeup with her i already know that i wanna patch things back up with i see her, because i still love her.
2 weeks after the breakup she called me. I have a habit of writing my feelings in my blog. So she said its really unfair to her that i write all this stuff in the blog, this is our stuff we shud settle it on ourselves. I said i'm expressing myself to make me feel better. She saw the comment my ex left me too. She asked so u tell everything to your ex? I said no she read it herself, then she said i dont care. Whats with the i dont care? i can assume that she asked bout it because she cares about it right? So i took the opportunity to again ask her, have u fully given up on this relationship? She said she dunno. Then she said what else is there to talk about since u already ask for a breakup? So i asked is it that we dont have to talk anymore? She said you call me on the 15 of Dec and we see when we will meet again, provided that if u still feel like calling me that day. The next thing she say is yes and the next thing she say is no, I'm really confused now. What is she trying to say or want actually George?
After she called me, she called her close girlfriend. That girlfriend told me what she said. She said i think i still miss him and i think i still love him but she didnt tell me all this when she talked to me on the phone u know? She too said that if i dont call her on the 15 then everything will be over. If he doesnt call then its okay already.
I remember on the 3rd week i tried few time talking to her on skype, we juz text chat because i said i wanted to see her for a while she refuses it. Everytime after we chat for a while she said she needed to go already. She is indirectly avoiding me right?
Her close girlfriend told me, we talk this 2 weeks but she didnt talk about you anymore. This close girlfriend ask her, Does he still stand a chance or not, she said i dunno. Seems like she is enjoying single there, she took a lot of pictures, hang out alot, hugging guys here and there, and to be honest, those pictures are really eye-soring to me, i felt so hurt.. Is she really over with me or shes just hiding her feelings away and show me how great is life without me?
This is the last week, the 4th week, i'm calling her this saturday. I'm assuming that i will still see her next week. I've been trying to improve myself, i know i wasnt a very good boyfriend before, i bought books on relationship problems, read and try to understand women in their shoes. Over this 4 weeks, i'm sure i've grown, to becoming a more understanding guy, i see women differently now. But i still need to convince her to give us another chance, to show her that i really really try hard and improve myself and i want this relationship back so badly.
So George, what kind of situation do you think i'm in now? is there still another chance? Is she still willing to give us another chance? The way she said i dunno and i cant decide, makes me unable to move forward but she looks like she is having alot of fun there with her friends, without me. I need your advise please.. What is she trying to deliver here? Is there a way to convince her and reassure her that i've changed to be a better person and more willing to love her now? Sorry for being so long-winded
Sorry I am late in replying to your question.
Hope everything has turned out ok for you. My feeling is that she still cares for you and if you treat her gently and tenderly she will respond to you in the same way. If you are harsh and pushy she may be turned off.
Maybe the renewed physical contact will make the difference. I hope so.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com