i want my MARRIED ex backVisitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i know it seems wrong, but that's exactly why I haven't gave in to sex with him. He does ask for it though, and has since we broke up 1.5 years ago. WE were actually together for 3 amazing and honest years until he cheated with her on me, and i let it continue happening due to the fact that he is in the army and she is too, i thought he could use someone there for him and it's better friends with benefits than some diseased whore, or something...
but their feelings grew and he told me he got confused, that he loves us both but she' s there and that he felt guilty wasting my time and his since we were so far apart (we were both loyal for almost two years of him being in the service). But he stayed with me while cheating until he came home and his last night before he left he broke up with me.
Over the phone we still had phone sex and talked as if we were together and by internet. UNTIL i found out he was engaged to her. I stopped the phone/internet sex, and he continued to ask for it. One day he asked for it and he complained about how she's not the same (no shit) and that he would argue with her about how she won't do things i would , I clamly and honestly AS A FRIEND told him he should wait to get married to her,he's not showing he's ready and we had our biggest argument of all time. i never thought we'd talk again.
I was suprised when he called and left messages. I called him back when my grandma had cancer and i needed someone to talk to. he helped me and we started to talk again. He called me the night before he got married from her parents phone, asking for phone sex!!!! I was so upset and just told him how i was dissapointed. On his honey moon (spent in his/my hometown), he came over to see me but i was gone.
Since then he's admitted why he married her/chose her saying she knew how to handle money better, and that he could get along with her family better than mine. He said if they divorced, he'd be with me, and we had another argument over how he was treating his marriage as if it's a game.
He calls to tell me he thinks of me and that he misses me, it's not the same, he's never been as happy as he was with me, etc. and that he wants me to make sure i am home for him to see me in some months. He got mad recently because I was hanging out with his friend who made it sould like we were dating, my ex told me to stop seeing him until i explained, then he lectured me for not having enough money, saying i should join the army (both like his wife, who is older than me and SHOULD be more experienced!)! I would join, too (for myself)if i wasn't afraid of war and losing contact with him!!!
For about 1 year, I tiresome-ly avoided phone sex with him and told him "no" over and over again, until recently, i gave in. I feel like i have a right since their marriage is so disrespectful and dishonest, but i know that my values conflict with this, when he comes home in some months i hope i don't give in to sex, but my feelings keep justifying these actions more and more. I feel like we'd be so much happier even more so than we were before, but he's married already-to someone else, so i don't understand why any of this (including their marriage) is happening to any of us(me, him,HER...)!!!!!
The answer is easy to say but hard to do.
He should either divorce his wife or be faithful to her.
You should stay away from him no matter what he does.
The problem is one of morals. None of you know what morality is.
What morality means is that she was wrong to cheat on you.
You are wrong to cheat on her.
He is wrong to cheat on both of you.
So, the answer is "clean up your acts."
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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