Now strict no contact with her, but I want some input.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I tried to make this short...sooo im sorry but its still long but I just wanted to get this out...and this really is the short version, haha

for some reason I want to tell someone what I have done and get input on it..if anything just to get this out.

So without killing you with a HUGE message ill just give you the giff of what happened between her and I... We met in a college class, hit it off and started dating after about a month of getting to know eachother, were together for a year and 3 months..both told eachother that we were "in love" with eachother and she even talked about marriage and one time she said she wanted to have my children!! i was her longest relationship and she was my first gf...she says she wants to "take a break" and that "its not you, its me" saying... I took it as a break up, I told her later that same night about a promise that I had made to her that I broke.. she got VERY upset at me and told me that we are over.. from then on she would call me everyday (about 1 1/2 months worth) until i wouldnt call back, and then every 3 days (2months worth) until I told her that we cant talk at all anymore...that lasted a week and a half and we ran into eachother TWICE in one day..she acted much more friendly to me. we hung out a few times (twice) and that was it really. I cut contact to try and do LC for a month (seemed to have helped her want to see me)... anyways long story short it seemed that she would call me and want to "catch up" and also kinda try and keep me interested...times in between she has been rude and kinda mean to me at times as well (not normal of her). Decided to just talk to her every once in a while (once or twice a month) and see if things change, it didnt. it would go where she would be nice to me when I was fed up with her and not showing any sign of wanting her (or calling her for that matter) and then once i did she was back to being kinda mean... and in the mean time im still hung up on her and wanting her back. this has been going on for about 10-11 MONTHS...and im now just getting to the point of fully letting this go, even though its hard still. I still dont know the reason for the break up, she never said why..just she was confused...thats all i could get. it doesnt matter now though.

Just recently I finally did NC and meant it this time, told her that we cant stay in contact anymore and that she can only contact me if its important (such as death in the family, leaving the country, changing her number). She has a boyfrriend now (she's been with him about a month before I told her that we cant talk anymore) its a long distance relationship, he's in the navy and he is catholic (she is non-denominational Christian, there are differences between the catholic belief and christian so it kinda worries me that she is seeing someone when in the long run can cause problems with their beliefs) and he's in north carolina and she lives in california..he has flown out twice to see her and she has flown once to see him.. she didnt tell me this and when i was randomly at her house (long story) and people asked if thats her boyfriend in some of the pictures on her table, she was reluctant to say because i was there. later on she talked to me and said sorry about the boyfriend thing, she wasnt sure if I knew...she asked if I had a girlfriend and then when I told her that I was seeing someone she wanted to know the first and last name (guessing so she could search on myspace or something) all that night when we were at a wedding (mutual friends) I noticed she was looking at me across the room, not starring but would look to see what I was doing...but i dont know if this is important to bring up... anyways a few days later I deleted her off of myspace and i deactivated my facebook, she noticed that and kinda was like "what the heck!!" and her friend started causing some stupid drama and blew things out of proportion with things and made things hostile between us (her friend, my ex and myself).

Two weeks later after I told my ex that i dont want to be in contact anymore and I deleted her and her friend off of myspace, I wrote her friend saying that i hope that things are okay between her and I and that i didnt want things to end on a bad note between us since they did...well my ex calls my cell the next night (doesnt say why but i know its about her friend) I ignored the call, next night she texts me..i ignored it til the next day and texted back saying i got the message and she told me it was I called her...and it was about her friend!! I get angry and try my best to be polite and told her that this isnt important and she told me not to contact her friend cause its stressing her friend out (all i meant it was to be nice and make things not hostile between her and I). she made it sound like I was being a bad guy for not caring at what her and her friend thought was important when I said that she contacted me for something that isnt important at all, when I told her that I dont want to be in contact she answered back saying that she doesnt want to keep in contact with me (doubt thats true but it still kinda hurt). anyways I had to cut the conversation off and say that this conversation is over. Said my goodbye and that was it...later that night I texted saying that i meant the message to her friend to make things okay, not make things worse..then also told her that if she was mad that im sorry but this is the way it has to be. she texted back a short message and that has been it... been a week now since we last spoke... I may or may not contact her again later on in the future (5-6months from now). it really depends on where I am in my own life and if I truely want to risk making myself miss her all over again.

I guess why im writting this is kinda just to see if this is the right thing (I think it is) and also to get input on what any of you think is going on with her side...she said she doesnt want to keep in contact with me (over the phone when I told her that we cant stay in contact and not to call unless it was important) but before I told her to not contact me anymore (the whole 11 months we have been apart) the majority of the calls are from her (actions speak louder than words).. only recently has things changed..mostly due to her friend causing this drama and blamming it on me (which sucks because she has ruined things between us) ..she's friends with her previous boyfriend still...and I can tell even after 2 years that he is still hung up on her...I dont want to be like that guy. I truely loved this girl and she had soo many qualities that I was looking for in a women (both physically and spiritually). Her and I are both strong Christians just so you know and..yeah. anyways, thanks for reading this short novel :) hope to hear from you soon. Advice
It's hard to figure her out.

Maybe like her friend she is into drama herself. Or she craves the attention she hopes she can get from you.

Whatever the case, you are doing the right thing by cutting the connection. It is doing you no good at all. You are correct about not wanting to be like her ex.

You should be concentrating on your new girlfriend.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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