I didn't realise how i felt and now it's too late, i don't know what else i can do?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend had been going out for a year and a half, but over the summer i had exams and didn't see him as much. When i did see him i seemed to just get irritated with him all the time. I felt like i wasn't sure whether i wanted to be with him for months and i think maybe i pushed him away because i felt like this. At one point in the summer we both talked and admitted things weren't good but said we wanted to make it work. Straight after i went on holiday for two weeks. When i got back the first few days i saw him were great and i felt so in love with him but then later that week i felt as if i wasn't sure i wanted to be with him again. that saturday i told he i wasn't sure what i wanted and we broke up. I told him i just wanted space to work things out. We still text all the time and told each other we missed each other and loved each other. A week and a half later i saw him and we ended up kissing etc..acting like a couple then we talked about things and we both said we felt like we need more time. At this point i felt like i wanted more space but i thought i probably wanted to be with him still as i felt so upset without him. A week or so after this we went to the cinema together i told him i missed him and wanted to be with him still and he said he didn't want us to go out anymore. I was heartbroken i didn't understand what had changed since a few days ago he was still texting me telling me he loved me. After this he still text me everyday occasionally saying he loved me or missed me. I asked to see him for a catch up about a week later this time we ended up acting as if we were going out again kissing etc...and it was always him that made the first move but when i asked him what we were doing he'd just say he didn't know and that he wanted to be on his own and be able to do what he wanted when he wanted. This happened once more around another week later. The night after i called him and told him how i felt i said i missed him and loved him and that made me feel it was worth us trying again seeing as everytime he saw me he acted as if he wanted to be with me. He said he wasn't sure and i asked him to think about it. The next two days he text me loads and it seemed like he wanted to be with me again but after that he didn't text for a few days and didn't seem as interested again. By that weekend i had enough and called him and asked to see him the next day. I met him out of his work and went back to his we were talking and laughing and getting on great at one point he said i made him happy, he ended up getting closer and kissing me again. I told him to stop and i needed to talk to him i repeated how i felt about him being completely honest and said i needed to know cos it was hurting me too much like this. He said he didn't know for ages. After a while we started talking and kissing again i thought it meant he wanted to be with me still so asked he what he thought but he said he didn't think he wanted a relationship but he couldnt give me a reason. He says he loves me and cares about me and he hasn't been with another girl since we first broke up. I really don't understand what he wants from me. He says he doesn't think he wants us to go out but he's not sure about a lot of things at the moment. I just don't understand because our whole relationship he was always so in love with me or seemed it and said he never wanted us to break up and he wanted to be with me always. I really want him back and i don't know what else i can do i've tried getting him back by telling him how i felt but that didnt work. That last time i saw him was on monday since then he has text once but i havn't replied because i thought i might be able to make him realise by not talking to me that actually he really misses me. What should i do to win him back please help me i need advice! And our paths don't cross unless we arrange to see each other. Do you think there is still a chance he wants me back?
You mentioned several times that you and he were kissing and that he was the one to initiate it.
Perhaps he is being drawn back to you for kissing. Here is another thing to consider. When you say "kissing" I am assuming that it is not just kissing. On the other hand, if it is just kissing then you may consider that he is getting impatient to do other things. If this seems possible, talk with him about it and clear the air.
Another idea is to stop kissing him and see what that does to your relationship. If he complains, tell him that you want to have a steady situation before continuing your physical relationship.
Your idea of not contacting him is worth trying, but if it goes on too long then it may not be a good idea. See how it goes.
This is not an easy problem to fix because he is so unsure about what he wants.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com