Does he like me or is he just having fun?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am really confused by the attitude of one of my managers towards me. For the sake of clarity let me call him John and I will call myself Betty. I have been working for this company since May 2006 and I know John since then, but at the beginning we worked in different departments so we used to see each other once or twice a week. John used to bring me to work with his car (I do not have a car and the distance is quite long)but that was all.
However, soon after he started giving me a ride to work we had an argument and John confessed that is not the big boss that ordered him to give me a ride, but he himself asked the big boss for a permission to give me a ride every week. To my question "why did you do that?", John answered "Take it this way: because you need help and you are special." A couple of weeks later John did some incredible sacrifices for me, like coming 60 miles out of his regular way to bring me to work and stuff like that. He also started mentioning from time to time how beautiful and gentle I am and so on and so forth.
The things this year got even deeper, because in May I was transferred to John's department and I have been working there for 4 months already. We are even scheduled to work together three days in a week. You cannot imagine what shifts we have together: John keeps joking all the time that I have stolen his heart, keeps paying me compliments, keeps repeating that he would do anything to help me and keeps saying "You know that I did this and this for you, I will do it again!" And he really does it: one day when I had to start work at noon, the last bus was at 8, so I was supposed to waste my time in the office for 4 hours before my shift starts. John came all the way down to my house at 11 am and brought me to the office with his car(He lives 80 miles away from the office and that day he had off!) Sometimes he works double shift with my friend and she says that he keeps asking about me all the time. Whatever she says, he asks "Is Betty (me) doing the same? Does Betty like the same thing?" etc. When I got sick and was brought to the emergency, my friend told me that John went crazy and was asking during the whole shift: "Is Betty OK? What happened to her? Will she be fine?" etc. If for some reason I react sharply to his jokes, John asks "Am I so ugly? Am I so unpleasant? You cannot stand me, do you?" etc.
So, I am really confused by his behaviour. I do not know what to think: his smile is literally glowing when we are together and even the people around me noticed that and started joking with me about him. One of my friends told me directly after I explained to her what is going on: "Are you blind? He simply loves you! Nobody does such things just because of simple friendship!"
Another problem is that he is married and has three children, a fact that makes the situation even worse.
So, I am really confused: is it possible that he is just having fun or does he really have some feelings? What should I do?
RomanceClass.com Advice
He really has some feelings for you. He is also having fun expressing thos feelings.
Your problem is that he is married with three children. You should make it clear to him that you like him but that you have no intention of coming between him and his family. Tell him that he should have no hopes of a more intimate relationship with you.
It is also unwise to become involved with someone with whom you work so closely.
Goodluck! George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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