Dealing with Pessimism
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm having trouble dealing with my ex-gf -- we had dated for a short while, wasn't too much into each other, then broke up when it was time to graduate from school and we had moved to different places. We have a somewhat odd relationship with each other...we are similar to each other in a lot of ways so I feel that there's a connection but because we tend to see things differently on some issues we have a tendency to annoy each other once in a while. Still, we've maintained contact and have remained friends despite everything.
Two years later when I heard she was dating someone else I got pretty jealous about it and that's sort of realized I still had feelings for her. I confessed, but she didn't want it at the time because she was obviously seeing someone else. She had since them broken up with the other guy, and now we're living in the same area so there's an opportunity to see her again. From what I've gathered it seems like she still has feelings for the other guy, but given that they're no longer near each other (and the guy doesn't seem to want her all that much) it's probably not going turn into anything.
Anyway, after my confession, my feelings have settled down a bit since then and I think I can look at the situation from a little bit more rational point of view now. (It's been over half a year since.) But now I'm not sure what I should do. It's been a long time and a lot of things have changed since then, and I think a lot of things are about to change again because we're both out of school now, looking for employment.
I had a lot of time to think about it, and I think the main problem between us is that I tend to be optimist and she tends to be very pessimistic. I think my attempts at being encouraging tends to annoy her more than anything, and I know that she's not really all that open to other people giving her advice. But I really like her as a person otherwise, so it's been very hard to figure out what I should do -- she's a very intelligent and capable person, but I'm worried that she might fall into a spiral of depression despite all the encouragement me and her friends might give her.
I care a lot about her but everything I do doesn't seem to help much. I honestly don't know if meeting each other, even as just friends, is going to help either. Maybe I should just leave her alone for a while? I'm kind of stuck, and I could really use some advice on this.
My advice is to leave her along for a while.
You are both looking for employment and your personalities don't match.
And, I don't sense a strong feeling from you towards her.
So, all in all, just put it on hold.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com