She cheated with her ex, had an abortion, and I still want her back
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My girlfriend slept with an ex-boyfriend of hers just once and got pregnant with his baby. She had been hurt by him before and was hurt again this time, especially since she knew he would want nothing to do with her or their baby. She told me about it before telling anybody else and said that she didn't know if she would tell him. I don't know if she ever told him, but she definitely hasn't said anything about it to anybody else.
She did have an abortion and was very upset about it. She has not talked to me at all since then, and it's been two months. I have known her for ten years and I still care about her and want to keep seeing her. She has said that she wants to be alone for now, but I wish that I could talk to her or do something for her.
What can I do for her, and how do I know if someday I could be with her again? Is there any chance that she will ever be able to talk to me? I've only seen her once since then, and all she did was cover her face with her hands and wouldn't look at me when she talked. I feel terrible for her, but I don't know what to do or if we have a chance to be together at all in the future.
It is very admirable that you are willing to forgive her for her cheating and want to still help her. Probably that is part of why she is so ashamed - that here she had this great guy who loved her and respected her, and she went and cheated on him and then had an abortion.
But part of dealing with life is learning to face it, to handle your mistakes and move forward. And when you have a partner that loves you, you face things together. For her to run and hide is not only hurting her - but hurting you too. She thinks you don't deserve her, but instead she's torturing you daily by keeping herself away from you.
I would talk to her about going to a therapist together. She sounds like she could use one to sort out her various worries, and by going together you are showing her that together you guys can face anything. You are a part of her life and will stand by her. She deserves your love, and you deserve to get to be with her! You need to show her that this is important for YOU. She might do it to be fair to you, even if she won't do it for herself. And once she gets talking to the therapist, hopefully it will really do her a world of good.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com