How to Get Over a Guy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
How do I get my ex boyfriend to fall back in love with me? I really love him so much and can't stop thinking about him. He has made me the most happiest person in the world and I would die if I couldn't find a way to get him back. So please help me get him back.
It is really very normal to be completely upset when you break up with someone. That is why there are so many songs, movies and book about people breaking up and the pain they go through. It is part of life and an very important lesson to learn - that you survive and that you become even stronger afterwards.
Yes, sometimes people do get back together with their exs. But the key to getting back together - or moving on with your life - is to first become a truly happy person on your own. This guy wants to be with a happy person. He doesn't want to be with a clingy person who is only running back because she doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be with the person that he broke up with - because he broke up for a reason. He wants to be with a happy, fun, content person. And that COULD be you, but you have to work on it.
So consider this your rebuilding time. This is your time to look at yourself, and figure out what makes you happy, and learning to be happy. Your sole reason for living should NOT be this guy. That turns you into a leech, and nobody likes a leech. You should be happy with yourself and what you do. That is the sort of person that he will be attracted back to.
First, start taking care of yourself. Eat well, eat healthily. Get lots of sleep. Go out for walks. The most important first step in making good progress is to have a healthy, rested body in which to do it. If you go crawling up to him with bags under your eyes and shaking hands because you're so worn out, that won't make a good impression.
Next, get out doing something every day. Go out walking, go play volleyball, go mountain biking. Whatever it is you like to do, get out and do it. That will bring color to your cheeks, get the hormones flowing through your body, get the blood circulating. Nature has taught humans for thousands of years to be attracted to healthy people. You want to have that 'I have been moving!' aspect to you, not the 'I am a slug that crawled out of the basement!' aspect. Note I'm not saying you have to be stick thin or super muscled!! I'm just saying if you get out for 10 minutes a day and just walk, it makes a huge difference in the way you are "sensed" by other people.
OK, you have your basic body settled now. Next, look at the hobbies you have. Which ones can you get going with? Paint a picture. Learn a new song on the piano. Go to the local horse show. Go with friends or go alone. This helps build up the fun quotient in your life and lets you laugh and enjoy life.
Start watching ever single movie on the American Film List top 100 listing. Start trying to visit every Chinese restaurant in the area. Find some sort of fun quest and start going through it. Keep track of the progress you're making.
When you are really feeling happy with yourself and with the things you are doing, THIS is the time to start running into your ex. He will remember you as the sad, mopey, bleary eyed person that he felt he had to break up with. Now, many weeks later, he will run into this fun, happy, interesting person. He will realize you're not a leech. You're not an energy sucker. In fact you are someone who he wants to be with because you're happy! You're having fun! He will want to be fun of your fun, happy world.
If you build it, they will come. Build yourself a happy world that you really enjoy, and that is what a guy wants to come be a part of. It doesn't happen overnight. But it's worth the effort.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
Visitor Submitted Responses
Our RomanceClass visitors have chimed in with thoughts on this question and answer. Click on a link below to read what their solutions are!
Talk to him
Give him time
Make yourself happy first
I Hurt Too