Jealous Over an Ex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with this guy for a lil over 4 months, before we got together we were best friends and hung out constantly, I knew who he liked and who he thought was attractive, just everything. There was this one girl he told me about that he was in love with, and how no one had ever had a relationship like theirs and stuff, but they only hung out a couple times a year. She also was his first, the one he lost his virginity too.
Well we finally realized we loved eachother but we have this best friend that keeps bringing that girl up. Telling my boyfriend that they ( my boy and that girl) never gave it a chance. It really bothers me because he at one time said he loved her. Our best friend doesn't really like the fact that were together, so I feel like he is trying to break us up.
I am tired of arguing with my boyfriend about this, what can I do? I really feel that this girl from his past is a big threat to me...I may be insecure but I need your advice on how I can fix it?
It's great that you guys were best friends first, that is THE best way to create a relationship and build a connection that really lasts. Good for you on that.
First, on your jealousy. Yes, he loved her in the past. We all have people we loved in the past, of one shape or size, even if it was a movie guy! That's what the past is about, helping shape us to reach the present. You should be happy that your boyfriend had the past he did, because it brought him to you. Accept his past as a vital part of him - but one that is not "now". It is "then".
That being said, this friend of yours is being a real jerk. He is really jealous of the happiness you guys have and the only way he can feel good about it is to try to harm your relationship. When he harms you guys, he feels better because now he can think, "Ha ha they really don't have something that special anyway, I don't have to be jealous of it." And when you react it just plays into his happiness.
The trick is just to ignore his rants, as you would ignore the tantrums of any 2 year old. When he starts, envision him in a diaper with a pacifier and just become even snugglier with your guy. You know what a special connection you have with your guy. Your guy knows it too. That is all that matters. If you're in a position that you must say something, say something that's positive about the relationship.
Jerk Friend: "You never gave your ex enough time to work on things!"
You: (snuggling with a smile) "He certainly gives me plenty of time, my darling."
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com