Please help me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
At first , i would like to give you a brief introduction about the whole situation to make things clear enough to judge and to find a solution.
First, I'll tell you about myself. I'm a very successful woman in my education, the top of my class. Guys say i'm very pretty ( I don't want you to think i'm Conceited to say i'm pretty but i'm just trying to make things clear).
He is 5 years older than me, and the top of his class.
We had a crush on each other before, It's been two years now, and no guy ever caught my attention but him. So all i can say is that he's the love of my life- it's been 2 years now and i can't forget him although we never dated.
Fortunately, A month ago he said that he wants to marry me, I told him i had to think about this first and know him better ( I only said that because i didn't want to be easy) , so we started dating , we went out together for 5 times or sth, we would stay for hours with our laptops studying, but we also flirted.
Unfortunately, I screwed everything.. He used to call, ask me out- and all i did was acting like a child and being immature with him. I wanted to make him jealous- so when we go out for example and guys send me bluetooth msgs telling me i'm beautiful, i used to show him these msgs- i used to show up- i used to show him that many guys like me and call me on the phone- and when he asks me " who was on the phone" , i show him that i'm hiding sth and that i don't want him to know. I also made him doubt that my ex is still calling me.. The last time we dated he told me "You are an example of a player" ..I know i did a huge mistake but all i was trying to do is to show him that i'm precious so that he loves me more.
Another thing which made things worse is that i opened his email account and read the emails between him and his ex- I called him in the middle of the night and cried and screamed for sth that's already over. He said that what i did, opening his email account is not trust worthy, and that i planned to get his password to read those email which is dangerous, but i apologized and things got better after that and we went out.
Things ended suddenly- One day he was sending me love msgs and standing under my balcony- the other day he disappeared- after that he called- there was something wrong with his voice like he doesn't care anymore- later, he broke up with me gently, he told me " My father, doesn't think i'm responsible enough for marriage now,You dunno how this is hard on me, but i have to respect my father's wishes"
Of course i didn't buy that because his family supported the idea of us getting married and they loved me. So i opened his email account , i found that he sent an email to his uncle telling him " The woman i told you i was gonna marry, I was dating her to know her better,and to make sure that she is the right person for me to marry , but unfortunately,things didn't work out , and now i feel that she is not the right person for me so i told her that and things ended".
I know i did a terrible mistake, There was no one to give me advice, or tell me that i was doing the wrong thing, when i remember the nice time we spent together, i suffer, and i hate my self for what i did, i wish i could never done these things- I don't know why he doesn't see me as the right person but i believe it has something to do with how i've been acting with him. I blame my self. I lost the love of my life because of my stupidity, and i regret it.
Now, he broke up with me on 2/5/2007- since then no phone calls, i didn't try to call him , i disappeared trying to figure out what to do to get him back. He also didn't try to contact me.
The problem is that i feel there is no chance to make him change the way he thinks about me- we don't see each other because he doesn't go to university very often- he is very busy with work projects. Another problem is that he is leaving the country in a month, so i have to do something during this month without being pushy or needy or scaring him away. I thought about confronting him with the email but i know he'll go mad..
I know you may think of me as a bad woman for what i did, and for not respecting his privacy and opening his email account. But I realize the mistake i did now, and if you fear that i would act like so again , trust me , i learnt the lesson.
P.S: we weren't living together.
Please help me to get him back
Neither of you have called in 3 months.
Now you have a month before he leaves and want to change his mind. This will be a very difficult thing to do.
My advice is to invite him out to a nice dinner and see how things stand with you two.
Even if he says no, hearing that would be better than always wondering.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com