What did I do wrong? What should I do?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have been going with my girlfriend(?) for almost three years. She is the love of my life. We have shared everything together. We have had a lot of fun. We have also had minor spats but always worked them out. One of her issues is trust because of her ex husband who sneaked around on her. One of my issues is disrespect because my ex wife towards the end showed me no respect.
Sometimes I am a reserved person and I think first before speaking. She feels sometimes I dont tell her everything and I keep secrets from her. Its not an attempt to be secretive, you just dont want to blurt the first thing in your head sometimes. About 18 days ago I was talking about something I heard about a relationship needing love and respect. I told her I had both for her. When she asked did I feel it in return, I was honest and said I knew she loved me, but sometimes I felt she disrespected me.
She at first laughed it off, but then got defensive asking me times, dates, and occassions. I said I could not give her every occassion, just every now and then she gets very snappy with me when I dont think I deserve it. We talked about it an hour, and worked it out. Came to the agreement the next time I felt disrespected I would tell her and we would work it out.
Had a great day that day. The next day she went to church and I did my chores. That evening I went and got dinner and a love card for her. At first before she opened the card she had a look of fear. (She always says i will break up with her but I have constantly reassured her I would tell her first) She read the card and laughed as it was funny.
Then she asks me how long I thought she disrespects me. I was aghast. I thought this issue was put to rest. I said, I dont know, maybe a month or two, but it was not so bad to the point I had to bring it to her attention and I had not thought about it till the previous day. She then walked away, came back and was visibly angry and upset. She told me that she felt my not telling her immediately was keeping this from her and told me to get out of her house.
I tried to talk it over with her but she would not even talk. Told me to leave. I got angry and did something I never do. I acted without thinking and put her house key on the table. As I walked out the door she threw my personal things in my face and closed the door. Up till then we never had a major dispute. She had never thown me out of the house. I took 4 days to cool down. I then called her and left a message. The next day I left her a text message. The next day I sent her an e-mail to home and work.
No reply. No repsonse. No nothing. It has been now 17 days and I have heard nothing since she threw me out. I miss her badly, but I have attempted to reach out to her with no response. I am caught between trying again or just leaving her alone till she contacts me, but in the back of my head I feel if three years had meaning to her she would have said something to me by now? Are we done and through?
Seems she has found a way of massively disrespecting you. She kicks you out of the house and then refuses to get into contact with you.
Her actions make no sense to me except possibly as a feeling that you had been secretive with her.
My advice is to leave her alone and wait for her to come back. If she doesn't then there is another example of disrespect.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com