Can you tell me what I should do to win her back?

Visitor's Question from a unknown year old Male
To help you understand my situation, I would like to give you a brief background of us and our relationship.
I am a student who study in chemical engineering and currently working at a semi-conductor company as an intern. I met my girlfriend last year (through her cousin who were dating my best friend at the time) when she first come to US. We dated little over 1 year, since February 2006. She is an international student from Mongolia. She is very beautiful (Miss Mongolia who joined Miss World University in 2005). Well, I feft in love with her. She moved in my place (a room I shared at a mobile home) after 3 weeks we dated because she did not have a place to stay. Three months later, we both decided to move to an apartment where we can live more comfortably. At the beginning of our relationship, it was very beautiful. We were so in love with each other. We spent time everyday and night together. Then we started to have many arguments that come from nothing once we moved to our new place. I understand that we both are very young (I am 25 and she is 21) and inexperience living together and that is why we do not get along well. She has very high ego and I do as well. This is why we crash. However, after every argument (big or small), we always make it up and things are fine again.

Recently (3/10/07) we had a very big argument right on her 21th birthday. I know I should be more calm and not get mad at her (even though it was her fault) because it was her birthday. I feel so bad about the situation. She packed all her belongings and moved out the apartment that afternoon. She is now sharing a room that is 10 minutes from our place but she insists not showing me her new place. I met her couple times after we broke up but she seemed very upset still. She is able to talk to me again now but she does not want to get back with me. Every time we talk, she seem to get upset at the end of the conversation. I love her very much. I tried in every possible way to say sorry and asking her to come back but she is a very strong girl and she does not want to get back. I am very sock that this time, she is so determine not to get back with me. It seems like she already made up her mind the day she walked out the appartment. I also know that there is a new person in her life now. May be just a guy who trying to get with her but she is giving him that opportunity. I know they are spending alot of time together even though it just been 1 month that we separate.

Hi, you seem to be an expert in relationship, I am writing this email to you seeking for help. I dont know how to win her back. I know we had a very bad break up. Even parents form Mongolia also know about it. At the spurge of the moment I was upset and emailed her parents about our situation after we broke up. I meet her parent here in US, who visited us in Jan 07, staying at our appartment for 2 weeks and they seemed to like me alot. But now, my ex-girlfriend is also very upset that her parents know about us. I know I made many mistakes in the past by making her mad, however, my girlfriend knows and everyone else knows that I take a very good care of myher. But this seem meaningless right now. It has been 1 month since we broke up. Now she is asking for 1 more month break without contact (according to our conversation 2 days ago). She just turns 21 and has been going out drinking at the club a lot lately with some guy. So, maybe she is wanting to spend time with the new guy to find out what she really wants.
Can you help me? I've been contacting her almost everyday (text messaging her on her phone. calling and leaving meassage on her phone, writing her email to tell her how much I miss her, sending her love songs, etc.) but she rarely answers my phone calls and call me back. I know I should not done that. She knows that I am very much in love with her and maybe that's why she doesnt care. But I am afraid that if I stop contacting her, I will lose her forever. She told me recently that she really loved me before and miss me now that we are apart. Her feeling is lost because we do not get along well. Also, she was not happy when she was with me prior to the break up because she does not get what she want. I know it was my fault for not paying enough attention to her but it's too late to say it now.

I am sorry for writing this long email but I feel hopeless and sad that she is so cold to me now. She was never like this. Please let me know what can I do to win her back or what should I do. I dont want to give up on this relationship because no one has ever make me feel this way before. I miss her everyday and feel very hollow since the day she walked out the house. But if giving up is the right thing to do then I would have to do so. At this point, I am so down, un-focused and lost motivation in life. I know this is very bad for my life. I dont know how to make myself feel better not having her around.

I hope you have time to read this email and help me with my situation. Please give me some advices: what should I do to win her back? and should I continue contacting her? It seems like I am bothering her. I dont know what to do at this point. I will be waiting for your response. Again, thank you very much for you time and your help.

Sincerely, Advice
I've noticed quite a bit that 21 year old women develop a very strong desire to be on their own and spread their wings.

This may be what is happening in your case. My advice is to leave her alone for a while so that she feels what it is like to be without you. Hopefully it will bring her back to you.

If not, and if she wants to continue the separation after a month, ask her to permit you to call her once every two weeks to catch up on how each other is doing. Talk for only 15-20 mins. unless she wants more. Be happy and upbeat.

This will give her the space she needs and you the contact you need. During this time you should consider why you two argue so much over small things. Nobody wants to live their life that way. Not even you, if you stop to think of it.

Think of specific ways to reduce the arguing so that if you begin to discuss getting back together, you will impress her with your thoughtfulness and your determination to reduce the fighting.

Make a list of things that cause friction between you two and then try to figure out how to reduce the tension. This includes things that don't cause arguments, but especially those.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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