Am I making progress part 2
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have changed my mind about marriage and kids and I am looking for a way to declare it when her and I speak. I find it difficult to just casually throw it out there.
She may tend to believe that I would just say it because I want her back and that it's not my true feelings. So I await the perfect opportunity to submit my feelings about it but I still dont know how to approach it. It has been made clear that were are to be friends with limitations and I dont want to pressure her into making a decision about us.
Yesterday I went to church for the 3rd week in a row and see contacted me immediately after she left her church.
Later on that afternoon she had called and asked if I would like to borrow one of her church books and she that she would lend it to me. She lives across the street from brothers home and said that next time I go she would meet me in the street and give me the book. When I saw her I asked for a hug and recieve one but it seemed very uncomfortable for her. We spoke casually for about ten minutes and most of the time she had her arms crossed and stood 6 feet away from me with
body language that had a defensive posture. But we did have some laughs and didnt speak of our past in any way.
A few nights ago we spoke of some nice times times together
and I thought it was great speaking to her before she went to bed. There are times when I believe I am doing well and times that I feel I am not. I guess the confusing part is whether or not she would like to start over and is in a defensive posture or if she is trying to be a friend and be there for me. I know she cares about me but to what extent? She does make attempts to contact me, but I am making more of the effort which is fine. I asked her if it was okay for me to contact her during the week and she said okay. Do you have any suggestions in which I can
put the ball in her court and have a response that would suggest she may be willing to move forward?
Aside from all of that, I'd like to say thank you for having read my questions and responding so quickly. What you do is great and I believe you are making a diffence for many people.
Thanks for the compliment. This work isn't always easy.
You are doing well with your girlfriend and religion seems to be what holds you together now. So keep going to church.
Also, go to a bookstore and look for a book about men and their feelings about marriage and children... it may have the word commitment in the title. Skim through the books and find one that looks good. Tell your ex that you are reading it to better yourself.
Be ready to discuss the book a little and make positive statements about marriage and children. Your ex will be pleased.
Hope this helps! George
BTW: if you see someone, like your ex, standing with their arms crossed, make sure your arms aren't crossed and also turn a little bit pointing away from them. Otherwise face-to-face can be interpreted as confrontational.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com