Choosing Between Two Girls

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm in love with this girl, R. We've gone out twice in the last year, but things just didn't seem to work out the way we wanted them to. She is now away at a camp, for 8 weeks. 4 weeks have already past, I've got 4 to go. I didn't think I'd get stuck in this situation in my life, but it happened.

R and I have always been close friends, even when we weren't going out. She asked me out before she left for camp, but I said no, cause she was leaving. I told her that we can do it when she gets back. So that's what I planned on doing, giving it another chance, but it's not working out that way.

I recently meet this girl, D. I just thought we'd be friends, but D wants more, I've gotten to know her and she would be a nice girl to date. I would say yes to D, (if I didn't know about R) but I don't want to upset R, when she gets back, by telling her I'm not available anymore. I know I should do the things that make me happy but I care about R's feelings, also D's. I should of told D that I wasn't looking for a relationship, only friendship, but it's to late for that! I wish ther was a way for me to make them both happy, but I just see no way!

D has told me that she would like to start a new relationship with me, I don't know If I should. In the meantime, R has been writing me, telling me how much she misses me. I write back to her, each week. and tell her that I love her too!

All in all, I love R, but D would be a new experience, that looks interesting. Should I wait for R?, or go off with D? I don't know what Direction to point, can you please help me out!! I'm not taking any actions till I feel the right way about all of this. Advice
I agree that you are not actively dating R right now - but on the other hand you told her you WOULD date her when she returned, and you are actively sending her love letters. So in essence you are currently in a commitment with her.

Yes, D sounds interesting. But what you will find in life is that there are ALWAYS other girls that will be interesting, and there ALWAYS will be. Part of being mature enough to date is being mature enough to stand by your word, and be honest and true to a girl that trusts in you. You would expect the same from your girlfriend!

So if you are fond of R and have a history with her, I would stick with her and really try to make that work. If you are going to start abandoning every girl you ARE with for another girl that seems "fun" or "sweet" or "attractive" or whatever, you are going to be cycling through girls left or right, and will end up lonely and alone. The value in a relationship is having someone you can trust, someone you care for, someone who is there for you through thick and thin. The LAST thing you want in any relationship is the idea that one of you will 'jump ship' at a moment's notice.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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