How do I handle the collapse of my marriage?
Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
After 30 years of marriage, my husband said he didn't want to be married anymore. Of course it turned out that there was another woman, much younger. He has moved out and although he says he wants us to be friends and that he'll"always love me", he hasn't stopped calling me - sometimes in the middle of the night. I am devastated because I love him ande I want him back. I don't know if this just a mid-life crisis. I feel like it's an act of pure selfishness and that somehow my life has been taken out of my hands. I have amazing friends but I live far away from my family and it is a struggle to stay positive. I am 55 years old and my husband and I have been together for 35 years - married for 30. I don't think I'm handling this well at all and any advice would be really appreciated. Therapy would be difficult because I live on a small Caribbean island without access to that kind of help. How do I handle this?
First advice is to keep those amazing friends.
After a separation/divorce friends often start slipping away... don't let this happen to you.
Second advice is to look out for #1 when it comes to money. No matter how much you love your husband or how close your friendship it is vitally important for you to be on firm financial footing. Be sure to get a good lawyer.
He is keeping you in limbo by asking to be friends and calling you in the middle of the night. I suppose this could work to your advantage if he is really in a mid-life crisis. You are probably waiting to find out. Perhaps you could arrange a bi-weekly dinner out together to see how each other is doing.
Professional therapy is, of course, the necessary thing to do if you possibly can. Failing that, talk to people you trust to get advice. Perhaps you have religious, medical, financial, or legal friends you could turn to. If they are men, meet them with their female partner so you don't get accused of looking for a man.
Keep positive, as you mentioned, dress nicely, don't drink too much, smile!
Hope some of this helps. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com