He Left Me and is Engaged to Another Already
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been together with my boyfriend for 3years. Things have been going pretty rough for us right from the start we had problems because of our different religious back grounds and because the people around opposed us. For 3 years, we stayed together, had sex. He kept pushing me and pressing me.Right now, he has initiated break up with me and my whole world has crumbled. He said he wanted a breather. I guess because after sex, my attachment to him grew and started to get edgy with him at times. I would say insecure. And at the same time, we experienced a long distance relationship for like 6 months. He has now found someone else. He claims that it was only just after the break up.
How can someone whom i have shared so much with, just walk away like that? Why is he so heartless? We are both religious people and it was not easy on us to share and have sex so often, but because i really believed he was the one. How can he just do this to me? Could anyone help? Why did he just turn away? doesn't he know how horrible it is to do something like this to someone? doesn't he have a heart? We both shared so much together. Maybe i did restrict a bit of his freedom.. but i was just so scared to lose him. this guy meant a lot to me, my virginity meant the whole lot of life to me.
He did ask for a breather initially, but called it off one week later. I begged him to give us another chance. And he said he needed time. Another week later he called it off over the phone and ceased all contact.
How can anyone forget something so intimate like a snap of his fingers?
How could anyone just have a fling with someone for 3 long years?
Not feeling anything???
Now, after his so called one month of going out with the new gal in his life, he has exchanged couple rings with each other. and he is going to propose to her. and she even calls him her fiance. How can someone be that heartless and mind you, she told him to break up with me.
I think the main mistake you're making here is that for 3 years he was solidly and 100% in love with you - and that he just "turned off the spigot" of feeling one week, and then in week 2 "turned on the spigot" for someone else. Life doesn't work like that.
You say you had problems for the 3 years because of religion. And that can definitely be true. But I really have to believe that during those 3 years you had MANY other problems too. It sounds like you were fighting. You had sex to keep you together, sure, but sex is not a glue. It's just an activity that people share. There has to be *emotion* and mental connections if a relationship is going to succeed. But you say that you were edgy with him, he was pushing you and pressing you. So you guys were pretty much fighting the entire time. You were trying to tie him down, and he didn't want to be.
At some point this got too much for him and he took a break. People don't take breaks when they're perfectly happy. They take breaks after weeks and weeks (or months of months) of a situation so uncomfortable they just can't find a solution. And obviously even though you guys were "together" you were having problems so serious that there were no solutions that would make you both happy.
So when he was free, he realized how much happier he was without dealing with all of that baggage. And now that he was happy and free, he found someone else that shared in his feelings - someone he could talk with and laugh with and enjoy being with, without the stress and pain. It's very common for people to get caught up in the 'new love rush' and propose too quickly. He really should wait 6 months AFTER the new love rush is past to see if he really does want to be with that girl still, but people make that mistake often.
In any case, he's not being heartless. He and you were not happy together. People who are not happy together should not stay together! He released you to find someone you CAN be happy with, and he went along and found the same for himself. So open your eyes and take care of yourself for now. And then look around you. Somewhere is a guy that you WILL be happy with, that you will be at peace with, content with, that will love you and you him. That is what you want in life, not someone that involves strife and pain.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com